Sick Sad World

[Intro (Sampled)]

[?]: Her amputee boyfriend was cheating so she stole his prosthesis, but he kept right on hopping into strange beds. The one-legged lothario next, on Sick, Sad World."

SSW REPORTER: Tell me, what brought you here, Artie

ARTIE: It was a cone-shaped craft about 15 feet long, with an air speed of, oh, I'd estimate mach 12. They kidnapped and stripped me, examined me briefly, returned my clothes, and dropped me here."

[?]: Now back to Sick, Sad World."

[Verse 1]

Got a fistful of dreams

Tryna trade that for a fistful of cream

Pause, cash rules every little thing

Wu-Tang taught me as a young bitter teen

See, now I am a young spitting king

If you disagree, then come intervene

Buzz, I’m going through your stuff

I work real hard, I can never do enough

Doom 95, I Duke Nukem up

Was a mutant in the sewer as a teen screwing up

Now we’re doing us, looking through the past

Had a long night, now the light's luminous

Squintin', I'm the rhyming Tim Winton

All the fit women like what I’m spittin'

They say it's great, thinking it's Britain

I kill every track, don’t think it's different

[Chorus]

I won’t give you no instructions for your bottoms

See, I fear that you don’t know how to shake it

Yet, you know the Macarena

And the Nutbush is your thing

But arse-shaking, you don’t need to

Just quit leaning on the wall like the fucking Tower of Pisa

[Verse 2]

Aha, you know my Steelo

I goes in like a Steve Nash free-throw

He’s that kid always talking 'bout weed smoke

No L's make Elmo to a emo

See those girls so I tell them, "G-O"

Push your tushy like a fatty with a remote

We know nothing 'bout saving the whole world

I make songs, don’t call me no hero

Oh well, I’ll be that if you need though

Girls say I’m like a less hot Leo

Dad says I’m like a less smart him

Retards say I’m like a less smart them

Maybe 'cause I smoke those fresh gardens

And excuse my French, I mean I beg pardon

You escargot taste excellent

Tryna wee on me, better guess again

(Hey, hey, hey)

[Verse 3]

In a dream that never ends

I don’t give a F, my 'F''s for friends

I'm Tom, so why am I in Special Ed?

'Cause all my assignments say 'F' in red

But fortune favours all the hairless heads

Never did shit for the hesitant

I never did shit but go on MSN

Hitting on girls I wouldn't ever get

Hey babe, yeah, back in my heyday

I would say, "Hey", they’d be all like, "Hey, wait, got to go"

Way late, trying to be Ray J

Now I get way laid out of my pay grade

Everything grade-A, back in like Grade 8

I was on play dates blowing my mayonnaise

Eat my shorts, young El Barto

Rap for peanuts so you get nutso

Let's go

[Chorus]

I won’t give you no instructions for your bottoms

See, I fear that you don’t know how to shake it

Yet, you know the Macarena

And the Nutbush is your thing

But arse-shaking, you don’t need to

Just quit leaning on the wall like the fucking Tower of Pisa

[Verse 4]

Man, fuck you all

I got it on lock like a bathroom stall

Whoa, funny how much you talk

But you're missing bits out like one, two, four

Lol, quit climbing my lolcano

Before I spaz out drinking old Drano

My head spins around like a tornado

And my eyes roll back in a full K.O

That's Allday, better check his pulse, ayy, bro?

I'm already in heaven with a gold halo

Got pretty hair like Samson, man

But my strength is in my handgun, man

Damn, every song's an anthem, man

Diet of Oreos and Jameson

Bickies and whiskies, that's sickly

How long could I really be living?

[Chorus]

I won’t give you no instructions for your bottoms

See, I fear that you don’t know how to shake it

Yet, you know the Macarena

And the Nutbush is your thing

But arse-shaking, you don’t need to

Just quit leaning on the wall like the fucking Tower of Pisa