Room 29

Help yourself to pretzels

Help yourself to the minibar

I couldn't help myself

I read a self-help book

Now I've gone too far

Too far gone

Unrecognisable

Frightened of the message light

On the phone on the bedside table

Where is Gilligan's Island?

Where do germs come from?

Don't open the curtains

I'm allergic to sun...

Room 29

I heard them say

"Is the only place to stay"

Room 29

Is where I'll face

Myself alone

A comfortable venue for a nervous breakdown

A front row seat for a psychic shakedown

I just had to laugh:

Got so screwed up

Is there anything sadder than a hotel room that hasn't been fucked in?

I'd like to get a piece of that

But I need an introduction

I read an actress used to party in this place

And do drugs off the piano

If I lick will it still taste?

A lifetime of spectating leaves you impotent

Unable to join in without a frame of reference

Watching the playback after the event

Room 29

I heard them say

"Is the only place to stay"

Room 29

Is where I'll face

Myself alone

Holly has never grown here

Though someone once tried

But it died, almost immediately:

The climate was too dry

Yeah, this whole place is built on a lie

But what a lie:

The kind of lie that has the entire Western world agog

'Cos no one ever got turned on

By the Whole Earth Catalog

Unhealthy, unfair

And extremely entertaining

Room 29

Is where I'll face

Myself alone

Alone