My Only

It's getting harder for my mom to convince me
I'll ever find someone who actually gets me
And whose strengths and pains are perfectly aligned
For counterbalancing mine

But tell me if such a specimen does exist
What makes me even believe I'd make the top of their list
Or that we'd occupy
The same space and time
On any given timeline

But don't you think I earned a love
For all the wicked nights I've known
Surviving all the toxic ones
Waiting for my only
My only

Don't you think I earned a love
Payment for the pain I've known
Refusing to give in to it all
Waiting for my only
My only

I'm sure there's some perfectly legitimate reason why
I've waited so long; been stung with every treason
But it's hard to have faith
A better future awaits me
From this bottomless hole
So if you could just toss me down a crystal ball
Show me behind the scenes and the point of it all
I'd take that "fool's hope" and fuel this failing soul

But don't you think I earned a love
For all the wicked nights I've known
Surviving all the toxic ones
Waiting for my only
My only

Don't you think I earned a love
Payment for the pain I've known
Refusing to give in to it all
Waiting for my only
My only

Is there any other way I could get through life
Without having to endure all the senseless strife
It just feels like a gratuitous exercise in inane suffering
Come for me

Is there any other way I can get through life
Without having to endure all the senseless strife
Better yet, cut me out of this space and time and
Take this cup from me

So don't you think I earned a love
If only an illusion of
A deus ex machina
To deliver me

But don't you think I earned a love
Or maybe I didn't suffer enough
A few more rounds on the karmic bull
Waiting for my only
My only

But don't you think I earned a love
(My face is sure to bow down)
For all the wicked nights I've known
(My wick is close to burned out and I'm)
Surviving all the toxic ones
(Growing weak and weary, waiting for my only)
Waiting for my only
My only
My only
My only
My only
My only