To My Ruin

In my house, I find that those with hard hearts, they burden me with their contempt

I can not bring myself to love as I should

No

Stomachs turn

Every kind word must be earned with an act

I am not spoken to as a man and my heart, it plots

I can feel the weight of a practiced prayer miles away

The fear that I must have an enemy to motivate is all too real

But have I found my enemy in myself, or in others that see their own weaknesses in my work?

They have no worth

The door will strike on the way out if the right questions are asked

Somewhere there is a catalog of my failures

It is held by men and I do not hold any sway

Knowing this, it has sharpened my tongue to that of an expert

I serve better as a buffer than I did as a brother

I allowed authority over myself that [was] meant to guard my heart as a lion

And in turn move not

I chose to prepare for pain and follow it to its ruin

To my ruin

Promise to not let me get comfortable