Secondary Waltz

The school Christmas party is coming

We ain’t doing rugby no more

MacIntyre’s teaching us waltzing

Out on the gymnasium floor

Out on the gymnasium floor

MacIntyre’s out of the army

You’ll be slippered if you get it wrong

And MacIntyre’s din

Booms loud in the gym

And we’ve only got our little shorts on

We’ve only got our little shorts on

And it’s one, two, three, two, two -

We’re all a disgrace

MacIntyre tore us apart

And we danced with ourselves

When he yelled ‘Find a space!’

Waltzing with fear in our hearts

Waltzing with fear in our hearts

Comes the day of the final manoeuvres

All of our heads are awhirl

It’s getting much closer to D-day

This time we’re going to do it with girls

This time we’re going to do it with girls

In the arena the ladies were waiting

A 12 year-old partner to guide

Some matches were fixed

The rest of us mixed

And a fat girl got left at the side

A fat girl got left at the side

And it’s one, two, three, two, two

We’re all a disgrace

MacIntyre tore us apart

And we danced with ourselves

When we’d all found a space

Waltzing with fear in our hearts

Waltzing with fear in our hearts

When you come to my fights

And I’m under the lights

And you see that my footwork is false

Don’t count me out

At the start of the bout

I’m just doing the Secondary Waltz

Doing the Secondary Waltz