[Spoken: El-P]
Oh, yeah
Oh, you son of a bitches
(Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya)
It gets so fuckin' crabby in this booth, man
Shit is a hundred degrees in here
(Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya)
Smells like Satan's toilet
[Chorus]
I'm gonna build a stepfather factory, the latest in technology
A stepfather factory, jobs for the community
A stepfather factory, the age of familial industry
A stepfather factory, building tomorrow's fathers today
A stepfather factory, the latest in technology
A stepfather factory, jobs for the community
A stepfather factory, the age of familial industry
Building tomorrow's fathers today
[Verse 1]
Spilling the leftovers of creational clay
We grew with the concept, now we're ready to go public
Today's a big day for the company
A big step for the little steppers who slept for years uncomfortably
Little man, little lady, cute little baby
Reach your hand out to the future of automated robotics
On display here for the first time in 'enter year here'
At the World's Fair, but is it really?
Ladies and gentlemen, I propose that the market is sinking
Under the weight of the useless contraptions
Added to the shopping carts of all hard-working families
Electric doodads and wizzurhaps and such to keep the munchkins entertained
But get replaced by newer versions or just break down systematically
Mothers, how many times have you debated self-euthanasia tablets for breakfast snacks
When restlessness attacks, seemingly at random?
Feel an emptiness inside that's hard to identify, maybe?
Pursuing hobbies like pill-popping or constant overeating?
Chances are you've been abandoned
Now, I'm no scientist, that's not what I went to school for (no, no, no, no)
And I'm not a doctor, so I don't know much about medicine
But I'm willing to bet that you, yes, you, little
What's your name, sweetheart? (Wah wah) Yeah, whatever
Get a funny feeling in your tummy when you see mommy cry
Something between woozy and confusion
And you spend your thoughts on how this sadness
In your mommy can be rooted out, burned, scorned, turned out, forgotten
So you can concentrate on candy and little baby dolls or
Whatever it is that normal kids get to think about
Well, I can honestly say that this invention is
Let me start by saying we've grafted only the finest of
Inserted the most high-tech
State of the art with brain charted from authentic
True-to-human emotions and trained to be domestic
Made from the most easily available materials and, uh, loosely inspected
Guaranteed to revolutionize
Perfectly realistic and even somewhat institutionally respected
Robotic relative
[Chorus]
That's why I'm gonna build a stepfather factory, the latest in technology
A stepfather factory, jobs for the community
A stepfather factory, the age of familial industry
A stepfather factory, building tomorrow's fathers today
A stepfather factory, the latest in technology
A stepfather factory, jobs for the community
A stepfather factory, the age of familial industry
I'm not only the president, I'm a client
[Verse 2]
So you've purchased a paternal unit, class A, type 1
The new addition to your living room space, watch it go
Under warranty for at least ninety days, so have fun
If in that time frame, there's a problem, please let us know
Before you start, there's a few details that you must learn
Technical specs about your unit to make things run smooth
In an effort to find an energy source our company's learned
The cheapest way to keep his battery running is with booze
Plug it in, give it a name, man of the house, self-sustained
Wearin' the pants, you can relax, one of the pack, nuclear fam
Literally nuclear, which brings us to the safety chapter
Section eighty-seven in your handbook, subsection sixteen
Entitled "Troubleshooting"
"Fuel sources are at a slight risk of mixing
With the crispy plutonium center
Of your automated new spouse and then dripping
Possibly leading to the unpredicted stimulation of its artificial emotion circuits
And in a few unsubstantiated clinical trials
This condition has led to simulated feelings of resentment and worthlessness
Manifested in the highly unlikely but still possible act
Of physical aggression towards you and your loved ones fleshy surfaces"
[Spoken: El-P]
Remember, no cash returns
Only credits towards future purchases
[Spoken: Robotic voice]
Why are you making me hurt you?
I love you
Why are you making me hurt you?
I love you
Why are you making me hurt you?
I love you
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