Role Model (Music Video Version)

[Verse 1]

I'm cancerous, so when I diss, you wouldn't want to answer this

If you responded back with a battle rap you wrote for Canibus

A hellspawn droppin' a stealth bomb

Six mics in The Source, they borrowed one from LL's arm (Ahh!)

You beef with me, I'm a even the score equally

Take you on Jerry Springer and beat your ass legally

I get too funny off of twenty Nō-Dōz

Hop on a snowboard and hit a tree harder than 'Sonny' Bono (Oh, no!)

So if I said I never get buzzed

That would mean I lie and get butt more than the President does

Hillary Clinton tried to slap me and call me a pervert

I took her freaking tonsils out and fed her sherbet

My nerves hurt and lately I'm on edge

Grabbed Vanilla Ice and ripped out his blond dreads (Come here!)

Every girl I ever went out with has gone les'

Follow me and do exactly what the song says

Talk back, fake sick, get out of school, steal from people

And don't think before you do somethin' that's illegal

I'm dumb enough to walk in a store and steal

So I'm dumb enough to ask for a date with Lauryn Hill

Some people only see that I'm white, ignoring skill

Cause I stand out like a green hat with a orange bill

But I don't get pissed, y'all don't even see through the mist

How the fuck can I be white? I don't even exist

I get a clean shave, bathe, go to a rave

Fry from an overload and dig myself up out of my grave

My middle finger won't go down, how do I wave?

And this is how I'm 'posed to teach kids how to behave?

[Chorus]

Now follow me and do exactly what you see

Don't you want to grow up to be just like me?

I slap women and eat 'shrooms, then O.D

Now don't you want to grow up to be just like me?

[Verse 2]

Me and Marcus Allen went over to see Nicole

When we heard a knock at the door, must have been Ron Gold

Jumped behind the door, put the session on hold

Did 'em both and smeared blood on a white Bronco (We did it!)

My mind won't work if my spine don't jerk

I slapped Garth Brooks out of his rhinestone shirt

I'm not a player, just a ill rhyme-sayer

That'll spray a Aerosol can up at the ozone layer

My rap style's warped, I'm running out the morgue

With your dead grandmother's corpse to throw it on your porch (Aaaah!)

Jumped in a Chickenhawk cartoon with a cape on (Dun-da-dun-da-dun-da-dun!)

And beat up Foghorn Leghorn with an acorn

I'm about as normal as Norman Bates with deformative traits

A premature birth that was four minutes late

Mother, are you there? I love you

I never meant to hit you over the head with that shovel

Will someone please explain to my brain

That I just severed a main vein

With a chainsaw and I'm in pain?

I take a breather and sigh, either I'm fried or I'm nuts

Cause if you ain't tilting this room, neither am I (Whoa)

So when you see your mom with a thermometer shoved in her ass

Then it probably is obvious I got it on with her

Cause when I drop this solo hit, it's over with

I bought Cage's tape, opened it and dubbed over it

[Chorus]

I came to the club drunk with a fake I.D

Don't you want to grow up to be just like me?

I've been with ten women who got HIV

Now don't you want to grow up to be just like me?

I've got genital warts and it burns when I pee

Don't you want to grow up to be just like me?

I tie a rope around my penis and jump from a tree

You probably want to grow up to be just like me