Why Am I Not Better

How long will this crying alone in my room be artsy
Because eventually I'll drown in my tears
And my friends will get tired of the same words spoken by my lying tongue
And I'll be left behind
How long until all of this gets old and I'm actually ready to die
And not just saying it to waste the time
Why am I not better yet
It's been so many years
So many tears
And I'm forgetting how to sleep
And I'm forgetting how to eat
Don't post positive quotes
That doesn't help me
I'm severely ill and you're not helping
My mind is twisted and you're not helping
My body is bleeding and you're not helping
Because this illness isn't cute
It's not for writing beautiful poetry
It's not for singing pretty chords
It's not for you to be there for me
It's not for me to be understood
This isn't helping
None of this is helping
None of this is helping
Why am I not better yet
It's been so many years
So many tears
And I'm forgetting how to sleep
And I'm forgetting how to eat
Why am I not better yet
Why am I not better yet
Because the clock is ticking fast, and I know that I'll be gone soon
But it's hard to look forward to tomorrow when all of the days are the same
Maybe if I take cold showers, it'll help my brain
If I go on walks, meditate, I should feel relief
But nothing helps
I'll wake up, a world of grey, lost, ambitionless, empty, wandering, hopeless
Another day, losing sleep, losing focus
Losing friends, is this the end
Why am I not better yet