Today I Met Myself

I get the petrol
Don't forget to buy a couple of sweets
Sometimes I like to treat myself
If only once a week

Open the door, get in the car
Sit in the driver's seat
Peer into the rear-view mirror
And I'm staring back at me

When I say me
I don't mean me as in my own reflection
Hardly slept so I suspect
I'm staring at some weird projection

My brain has made to tell me
Alcohol abuse is wrong
Whereupon, I turn around
And realize something's going on

Trust me, son, this ain't a con
You have to trust your eyeballs
Know those eyes are fine because
They're mine so don't be stifled

You're slightly balder now and yes
Your pubes are turnin' gray
But you've traveled back in time
'Cause there's important shit to say

Don't do that
(Nope)
They'll try to dupe you
Don't do this
(Nah)
They'll try to shoot you

Don't do her
(Grim)
She didn't suit you
Today I met myself and
I told me 'bout my future

So I'm sat in the front and sat in the back
As you do havin' a chat
Asking 'bout the change in rap
And where the music's at

I'm careful not to tell myself
Entirely everything
I've come here just to warn me
As to what the future brings

Oi, listen, El, surely
You can see that you're me
I'm you, look at the lips
You really can't ignore me

I know that in that bag
There's ginger beer and curly-wurly's
It's kinda hurly burly
But you must believe my story

I know you tasted glory
Was all hunky dory
Now you're standing on the borderline
Today's the day you're sure to find

You don't know where to draw the line
This is the start of your decline
That's why I came back exactly 15 years
Before your sordid crime

Don't do that
(Nope)
They'll try to dupe you
Don't do this
(Nah)
They'll try to shoot you

Don't do her
(Grim)
She didn't suit you
Today I met myself and
I told me 'bout my future

Freakin' out, I been sneakin' 'bout
Feelin' edgy 'bout the fact that I've seeked me out
I'm freakin' out, I been sneakin' 'bout
And I've sat inside my car and started speakin' 'bout
What's yet to come

It seems most of what the future
Has to hold for me is decent
But recently my future self
Was caught having a threesome

One of the girls was underage
With fake identification
The other one was legal
But her father's occupation

Was head of a group of hoodlums
From just south of the Thames
The entire episode was captured
From a hidden lens

They found some substances inside
The glove box of my car
So I'm front page of 'The Sun'
'The Mirror' and 'The Daily Star'

I'm either goin' down for twenty
Or thugs are out to get me
My walls are 'bout to crumble
Which is why I went and sent me

Back in time, prevent the crime
Avoid Jane and Amy
It seems my future self's a prick
But really who can blame me

Don't do that
(Nope)
They'll try to dupe you
Don't do this
(Nah)
They'll try to shoot you

Don't do her
(Grim)
She didn't suit you
Today I met myself and
I told me 'bout my future