Breathe

Today I looked up how long it would take to drown
Today I looked up how long it would take to drown
How long can you hold your breath
Before you can't hold your breath any longer?
How long until your lungs give out?
And the sound that used to fill the void
Quiets like a mouse at midnight
Searching for its piece of the pie

Today I stood in front of a window
And Imagined what it would be like to fly
No, I didn't
I imagined what it would be like
To Jump outside the frame that caged me inside
But my better judgment said it wouldn't be very kind
If someone you cared about found you
That's the voice that plays like a tape on rewind
Rewind
Rewind
It wouldn't be fair to a stranger either

Today I'm reminded of the time I watched a man
Jump into a highway when I was just seventeen
The car lights on either side of the upper portion of the auto route below
Standing at attention
Staring off into the distance
Just waiting for the road to clear
And the way to the comfort of their loved ones to be made

Death is a strange and hollow inconvenience
When you think about it
There's a blank face
That quickly and abruptly finds Its way to all the witness something of that magnitude
It's not empathy
It's not sympathy
It's more of a force intrinsic and integral self reflection
Why would someone do such a thing?
What could drive someone to that type of depth?
Could I be driven to such depths?
Would I ever be able to jump?
There is no place to be soft in these moments, jump
There's no time to caught in this moment, jump
There's no need to believe there ever was a moment, jump
Sigh, believe, relief in this moment
'Cause I could never be the one to be in this moment
Or could I? Jump

Today I looked up how long it would take to drown
Do you first hold your breath?
Do you exhale all of your problems and worries
Before casting your thoughts to the bottom
Of an otherwise empty place below the poverty line of depressed thoughts
And the sad calamity of a hunted house you've called home?
I don't know
Maybe someone out there has an answer

But for now I'm still trying to come to terms of the fact
That today I looked up how long it would take to drown