i earned these tears!

I haven't left my bed in days
I've been calling my Teddy Bear your name
Under mountains of tissues
And a few takeout menus
Find my pillows
All mascara stained
And I read our old
Messages in peace
The bottom of a pint of ice cream
Without friends always knocking
As if I'll be unlocking my door
And rejoining society
Please don't pity my pity party
I earned these tears I've had for years
Only to lose quick
My new trick
My cries stay home tonight
Don't wanna heal
I earned these tears
(I'm not getting better)
(Wanna get better)
(I'm not getting better)
(Wanna get better)
If I scream at the sky
Asking "Why me?"
Pick apart every argument
Maybe listen back
To your voicemails
The meticulous details
Will leave me to
Some sort of clarity
How am I expected
To just move on?
Had our wedding bands picked out
And now what?
Does that heal someone dressed up
Go and kiss someone random
Something about that
That feels so wrong
Leave your pity
Out in a party
I earned these tears I've had for years
Only to move quick, my moves quick
My cries stay home tonight
Don't wanna heal, I earned these tears
I should strike up a bonfire
Pour the gasoline
Over birthday card clippings
From bride magazines
Rip your shirt from the body
That slept in most nights
Bought a bird with plane tickets
Concerts, stubs, wine
From the very first bottle
From the very first date
When you worshipped the spark
But couldn't nurture the flame
I deserve to disintegrate us
Like you did
But I can't bring the match
To our Photo Booth strip
I'm not ready
Let me mourn, just let me
I earned these tears
I've had for years
Only to lose quick
My moves quick
My cries stay home tonight
Don't wanna heal
I earned these tears
(Why me, why me)
(Why did it have to be, have to be)
(Why me, why me)
(Why did it have to be, have to be)