Champaign, Illinois

The bottom line's been snorted

The bottom card's been dealt

No one knows like you know right now

How truly bad it felt

All your life you wasted

On dreamin' about the day

Worker bees kill off their queen

And carry all her eggs away

Oh, then if you die fearin' God

And painfully employed

No, you will not go to Heaven

You'll go to Champaign, Illinois

Up north in Chicago

Where booze makes no one blush

Memories come back to you

In a double Bourbon rush

Memories that aren't all bad

And neither, my friend, are you

There is an argument there must be some Heaven meant

For hearts that are half true

Oh, and if you spend your whole life

Rollin' horses into Troy

No, you will not go to heaven

You'll go to Champaign, Illinois

No, you will not go to heaven

You'll go to Champaign, Illinois

Roll on blacktop highway

Circles towards the sun

Springfield's in the distance

And that's the last big one

After that comes judgment

Oh, and judgment will be swift

You will be eliminated

But here's a parting gift

Oh, if you die fearin' God

And painfully employed

No, you will not go to Heaven

You'll go to Champaign, Illinois

No, you will not go to heaven

You'll go to Champaign, Illinois

No, you will not go to heaven

You'll go to Champaign, Illinois