Arm's Length

I don't think I have the energy
To make it out of my bed today
It's not even a bed
I've been sleeping on
An air mattress with a hole
For almost three months
Sometimes when I can't sleep
I can feel the space I've put between
The only people I'd risk everything for
But if they'd whisper at my door
I'd probably hide under the sheets

I'm in a group chat
With twenty-one goddamn people
I wish I was exaggerating, but I'm not
My phone crashes thirty-seven times a day
But it's nice to have friends
Sometimes it's nice to be left on read
Wait, no it's not
I think I'm taking things too personally
When did I get so sensitive?

I don't think I wanna waste my day
Replaying all my past mistakes
It's a funny thing
Selective memory
Flipping through the casualties
If you don't cancel on the count of three
It won't be looking too hot for me
I'm on damage control, got better parts to this whole
I just haven't left this room in
I don't know how many weeks

I work a job where (Job where)
I swear to God they're setting the timer
When I take a bathroom break
And I'm barely scraping minimum wage
And the things they have the audacity to ask of me
Better catch up with them eventually
Oh, I'm begging please
Let it catch them eventually

I don't think you wanna challenge me
Like you tried to yesterday
But I can't even pretend
I considered every single word you said
From beginning to end
And it's a sensitive subject
And you can act like you think you're so above it
But I've got a foolproof plan
And a prescription in hand
And you can call it what you want
You'll never be my referee

It's my last night in the city that
Taught me I'm an extrovert
And here I am, spending it alone
Laying on a carpet floor
Staring at a wall, listing off
All of the places I would rather be in

And it's my fault
I did this to myself
I crawled into a hole for six months
Then came creeping back out
Expecting everything to be the same
And I dug this pit
And you enabled it
So I guess I'll, I'll disappear again
Two hundred miles west this time
I'll get a job and make some fake friends
And I'll be

Fine
Just like the last time
Just like the last time
Arm's length
Arm's length this time
Arm's length
It's safer that way