Need You More Than Ever

One part of me hates you. Another part is jealous. A small part of me thanks you. Your negligence has given me a reason to breathe. I'm a step-father raising a worthless man's daughter and if you've ever seen her smile you wouldn't question why I bother. It is my cross to bear. A come-off-the-bench dad, JV second string, substitute stepdad. Listen, I understand some things just don't work out. Her mom can be a handful, believe me, I know. But that's not your daughter's fault. Oh! We got the gifts you bought, but she would trade them all for a half hour of your time. Me and her have bonded. It's been years. She calls me Daddy now.

You don't know how long I've yearned to hear words you aren't worthy of. She sees you as a stranger, she is scared of your touch. Yet her lil' brain is so conflicted because she misses you and don't know why. It's crazy, sometimes I see my sister's personality in her, I'm so tempted to say she gets her eyes and sense of humor from me. I know that's delusional but I'm so afraid of losing her, falling into the you-shaped black hole in her 6-year-old soul. It cuts my tongue, but she needs you more than ever.

That's how much she means to me. I'm willing to admit that she does need you. I bleed for my lil' girl.

Her very breath is a blessing, from doing her laundry to trying to explain sovereignty.

I will love her as my own, be the father God called me to be. Yet honesty compels me.

My dude, she needs you