[Intro]
And ohh lordy now, troubles so hard
Ohh lordy now, troubles so hard
And don't nobody know my troubles but god
Don't nobody know my troubles but god
[Verse 1]
I don't reach into the past very much, for these shards of shattered glass and harsh paper cuts leave me stuck when I reach in
Memories are seeped in hydrochloric acid, I go to war and get passive and freeze up
Music helped the ice to thaw
Put the chisel in the middle, swing the hammer of Thor
Pull it out of the impossible, Excalibur sword
Etching notepads full of reasons why my feelings are sore
[Verse 2]
The first day that I got sick ejеcted from cockpit of living
Nineteen, young teen, waking up bitten
Postеrs up, manhunt, Ren went missing
Hard to have faith when the gods don't listen
The first year maybe was the hardest
Waking in a body that was buried like a carcass
Brain in the lion's den, body in a shark pit
Waking up in pain again, aching, broken-hearted
[Verse 3]
Persistent little bugger, I was bouncing from a doctor to a doctor to a doctor
Like a table tennis game that has no end
So be the fate of Ren
Every single question answered with a question on the end
The second year I came to terms with giving up my dreams, mind severed from the means that helped me write these rhyme schemes
Brain was inflamed, the fatigue was crushing
Hard to remain sane with your brain combusting
[Verse 4]
And the third year was murder
Living in a purga-tory full of worry, wouldn't live to be thirty
Lifestyle hurt me, always in my bed tomb
Re-arrange the alphabet, all the letters spell "doom"
Light hurt my eyes, popping pills to survive
When you're twenty-three and mentally you steadily decline
Twenty-four I was poor, disability benefits
What's the benefit of disability? It's irrelevant
[Verse 5]
Twenty-five, the scars that were etched they cracked
Elastic bands only stretch so far and then snap
[Verse 6]
Deep in psychosis
Hallucinations, troubled vision, visits from the underworld were conjuring my superstition
Twenty-five, living back at home with my mum, but not because I'm a bum; alone and physically done
So thin, so frail, so weak I'd become and my skin so pale, never kissed by the sun
[Verse 7]
One time I carved a hole in my chest, just to feel
I wish that was a metaphor, the struggle was real
When you're living in a holocaust, you buckle and kneel
There's relief in the teeth of the kiss of cold steel
Facts
[Verse 8]
Twenty-six, I'm highly medicated and the pain sophisticated while I'm laying broken, naked on my back
I brought my microphone into my coffin, started droppin' raw thoughts with the grim reaper knocking on the track
But then man, lo and behold, I saw this angel beckon on the treacherous road
Was a stem cell doctor with a generous glow, and a cell transplant brought me out of the cold
And my skin got younger and my body got stronger and my stomach felt hunger for a door that was closed
And my soul heard music for the first time beauty was a word I'd use for this gift of gold
[Verse 9]
Oh lord, I forgive you
Lord, I forgive you
Lord, I forgive you
Make me whole
This music I give you
Pain that I live through
Everything I've been through
Is yours to hold
[Outro]
And oh lordy now, troubles so hard
Ohh lordy now, troubles so hard
And don't nobody know my troubles but god
Don't nobody know my troubles but god
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