Shia LaBeouf

You're walking in the woods
There's no one around and your phone is dead
Out of the corner of your eye you spot him
Shia LaBeouf

He's following you, about 30 feet back
He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint
He's gaining on you
Shia LaBeouf

You're looking for you car but you're all turned around
He's almost upon you now
And you can see there's blood on his face
My God, there's blood everywhere!

Running for you life (from Shia LaBeouf)
He's brandishing a knife (it's Shia LaBeouf)
Lurking in the shadows
Hollywood superstar Shia LaBeouf

Living in the woods (Shia LaBeouf)
Killing for sport (Shia LaBeouf)
Eating all the bodies
Actual cannibal Shia LaBeouf

Now it's dark, and you seem to have lost him
But you're hopelessly lost yourself
Stranded with a murderer
You creep silently through the underbrush

Aha! In the distance
A small cottage with a light on
Hope! You move stealthily toward it
But your leg! Ah! It's caught in a bear trap!

Gnawing off your leg (quiet, quiet)
Limping to the cottage (quiet, quiet)
Now you're on the doorstep
Sitting inside
Shia LaBeouf

Sharpening an axe (Shia LaBeouf)
But he doesn't hear you enter (Shia LaBeouf)
You're sneaking up behind him
Strangling superstar
Shia LaBeouf

Fighting for your life with Shia LaBeouf
Wrestling a knife from Shia LaBeouf
Stab him in his kidney
Safe at last from Shia LaBeouf

You limp into the dark woods
Blood oozing from your stump leg
You've beaten Shia LaBeouf

Wait! He isn't dead (Shia surprise)
There's a gun to your head and death in his eyes
But you can do jiu-jitsu

Body slam superstar Shia LaBeouf
Legendary fight with Shia LaBeouf
Normal Tuesday night for Shia LaBeouf
You try to swing an axe at Shia LaBeouf

But blood is draining fast from your stump leg
He's dodging every swipe, he parries to the left
You counter to the right, you catch him in the neck
You're chopping his head now
You have just decapitated Shia LaBeouf

His head topples to the floor, expressionless
You fall to your knees and catch your breath
You're finally safe from Shia LaBeouf