Births, Deaths & Marriages

Listen very carefully

I'll say this only once

I haven't had a moment's peace

In thirty-seven months

Commitments squeezed like tinned sardines

Into each precious hour

But I'll survive 'cause where there's life

There's generally a bar, line 'em up

Births and deaths and marriages

Cabbages and kings

Slugs and snails and e-mails

Other precious things

Cherubim and seraphic

Go green with envy for

All the births and deaths and marriages

Mortality affords

Today a man got on my tram

And wiped his sweaty neck

And suddenly I saw how he

Must look whilst having sex

I felt like Henry, the sixth felt

When he sang hysterically

Watching the slaughter his supporters

Thought he ought to see

Births and deaths and marriages

Divorces, christenings

Isn't life a roll of strife

'Round a splendid thing

Cherubim and seraphic

Continually do cry

Life's wasted on these mortal ones

So can we have a try? Yeah

Here's a story 'bout a boy

Ignored by all the class

They broke his leg so he could get them

All to sign his cast

But instead of writing, "Get well soon"

They wrote, "You suck"

A dreadful story, I'm terribly sorry

At least I made it up

Births and deaths and marriages

Cabbages and kings

Tops and tails and screams and wails

Cheated in between

What the hell? I'm fit and well

I'm able and I'm willing

I'm not from Venus or from Mars

I'm from Enniskillen

So why watch the nation's

'Hundred Greatest Things In History'

When the top spot goes by lot

To Bohemian Rhapsody?

You will never see a poor bookie

The dealer always wins

And there ain't no clocks 'round the Vegas slots

Keep taxing your votes in

Goodnight

And may your God go with you