Even If I Never Get There

I'm a mess
Growing stagnant, I'm a fragment of my best
Something different, inconsistent, another miss
I don't know if I'll be getting up from this
(I digress)

'Cause I don't love myself like I'm supposed to
Every self-affirming thought I have just fades away with time
Never ask me, I don't want to lie to you
Still fighting, just in silence, there's a peace I'm yet to find

Cut and scrape and bend and break
Everything just stays the same
I just deteriorate

Who'd have thought I would be getting up again?
I'm a hater, getting tired of this trend
Win or lose, still, I move
Barely so, but I still do
I feel like I'm pulling through

And I've been breaking down my walls
'Cause I won't live inside forever
I just feel so fucking small
Bend and break, cut and scrape, all the better

Now my body's too worn out to second-guess
Writing verses just to nurse whatever's left
Still the same, I can change, not another rearrange
A cry for help, and no one came

And I've been breaking down my walls
'Cause I won't live inside forever
I just feel so fucking small
Bend and break, cut and scrape, all the better
I've been bracing for the fall
Sometimes, I wish I'd stayed inside
I can't run, but walking tall
Not too late, brand new day, I'll be better

Cut and scrape and bend and break
Everything just stays the same
I deteriorate