The Idiot's Maze

[Verse 1]

Dress me up in an automobile

Drive me around like a car

Take me out to the barbecue pit

Smoke me like an old cigar

I'll take you out to the forest fire

Nail you to the moon with the beaks of doves

Lay you down with the Camptown ladies

Do-da-do-da, dance of love

[Verse 2]

Hold me down with a paperweight lifter

Roll me over in the clover

Take me back in an undertaker's suit

Play me flat on a tuba flute

I'll ride you high on a horse latitude

Pump you up with a breathing tube

Pick you up and remind you why

I remind you of a bottleneck tie

[Verse 3]

Poke me a joke in the hole of my shoe

Give me a taste of the Jumpin' Jack juice

Swat me a mosquito

Cause a rumble in the jungle when you turn him loose

I'll take you away like a Chinese pizza

Take you out to the old ball game

Bring you back with a roundhouse punch

Teach you how to say my name

[Verse 4]

Shake me like a microphone stand

Play me like a marching band

Pick me a rose from the left hand of Moses

Kick out the jokers and the jams

I'll dust your broom and cork you a river

Milk your cows with a bubble gum machine

Brush you down like a strawberry field

Decorate your face with cold ice cream

[Verse 5]

I'll deal me a stack of rubber band pancakes

Dig me a tunnel to the center of the brain

Take me back to when I started crying

Take me to the belly of the hurricane

I'll medicate you with a dose of clam chowder

Stun you with a paradoxical pun

Get you in line with the crossroad dream

Meditate you with a Dalai Lama hum

[Outro]

Hit me with your local anesthetic

Tie me down with your licorice whips

Spin me around on the tips of your fingers

Toss me a kiss from your corn chip lips

I'll turn you on with a shot of Burma Shave

A sniff of Wildroot and a toke of tumbleweed

I'll wake you up when they rob the bank

Sneak you out the back before they start to bleed

Scratch my back with a stained-glass window

Teach me the art of the lullaby rhyme

Sing me to sleep with a drop of dragon rum

Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of wine

I'll drop you like a hot shot potato

Way down yonder in the purple haze

Lift you up until you touch the light

Deliver you from the idiot's maze