Snail Zero

[Verse 1] My lady moved in, I picked her up a gift A miniature aquarium and trip to get some fish Three Green Tetras, one Scarlet Badis And a touch of plant life, some live, some plastic Got the stuff home, put it in the tank Everyone is thriving, it's a lively little gang A few weeks pass, when plain and clear I hear, "Oh my God, there's a snail in here!" What? I feel as if she's gotta be mistaken As we do not have a snail, granted, she knows what a snail is I make my way over, and position for the glare I'm looking at a snail that wasn't previously there Hmm, I feel I'm being pranked But if magic is the reason, then really, I think it's great My girl on her computer reading animal facts "A snail egg can hitch a ride into your tank on a plant" You motherfucker [Refrain] But wait, there's more [Verse 2] I'm looking at the snail, he seems pretty pleasant We figure let him kick it, as honestly, shit's impressive A couple weeks pass, I hear another gasp Seven more snails have appeared on the glass How? Determined to identify the guests When I stumble on a column of common invasive pests And boom, the number one offender on the pile The Bladder Snail, known to stowaway and multiply Motherfucker Plus a self-compatible hermaphrodite That means the kids'll never have to hear the parents fight We went away for a week, came home to a scene Snail population up in the teens This was weeks ago already It's been getting extreme We are well over thirty, but murder isn't my thing While the fish have been patient, the situation's a bummer They be staring at the snails, then, staring at each other like These motherfuckers [Refrain] But wait, there's more [Bridge] I figure, "Let 'em kick it" I figure, "Let 'em kick it" I figure, "Let 'em kick it" I figure, "Let 'em kick it" I figure, "Let 'em kick it" [Verse 3] Folk tell the kiddo, "Oh, I think I'm missing some info Just clean the tank and throw the fucking snails out the window" Look, I guess I don't know how to shut the door When snail zero's been here as long as the other four I get the reputation as a blight on the tank But I ain't shoveling 'em out of what they rightfully claim Even if I was able to one day snag 'em and bail Exactly fuck I'm supposed to do with a bagful of snails? "Oh here comes crazy old Aes-y, holding his bagful of snails He also bark at the traffic and drink his Tab from a grail" Not doing it, I love those fish I love those snails, coexist I think about the day it eventually overflows And fills the whole apartment, then fills the whole of Rome A reckoning is upon us, a decision must prevail A sensible re-homing or Snails!