Snail Zero

[Verse 1]

My lady moved in, I picked her up a gift

A miniature aquarium and trip to get some fish

Three Green Tetras, one Scarlet Badis

And a touch of plant life, some live, some plastic

Got the stuff home, put it in the tank

Everyone is thriving, it's a lively little gang

A few weeks pass, when plain and clear

I hear, "Oh my God, there's a snail in here!"

What? I feel as if she's gotta be mistaken

As we do not have a snail, granted, she knows what a snail is

I make my way over, and position for the glare

I'm looking at a snail that wasn't previously there

Hmm, I feel I'm being pranked

But if magic is the reason, then really, I think it's great

My girl on her computer reading animal facts

"A snail egg can hitch a ride into your tank on a plant"

You motherfucker

[Refrain]

But wait, there's more

[Verse 2]

I'm looking at the snail, he seems pretty pleasant

We figure let him kick it, as honestly, shit's impressive

A couple weeks pass, I hear another gasp

Seven more snails have appeared on the glass

How? Determined to identify the guests

When I stumble on a column of common invasive pests

And boom, the number one offender on the pile

The Bladder Snail, known to stowaway and multiply

Motherfucker

Plus a self-compatible hermaphrodite

That means the kids'll never have to hear the parents fight

We went away for a week, came home to a scene

Snail population up in the teens

This was weeks ago already

It's been getting extreme

We are well over thirty, but murder isn't my thing

While the fish have been patient, the situation's a bummer

They be staring at the snails, then, staring at each other like

These motherfuckers

[Refrain]

But wait, there's more

[Bridge]

I figure, "Let 'em kick it"

I figure, "Let 'em kick it"

I figure, "Let 'em kick it"

I figure, "Let 'em kick it"

I figure, "Let 'em kick it"

[Verse 3]

Folk tell the kiddo, "Oh, I think I'm missing some info

Just clean the tank and throw the fucking snails out the window"

Look, I guess I don't know how to shut the door

When snail zero's been here as long as the other four

I get the reputation as a blight on the tank

But I ain't shoveling 'em out of what they rightfully claim

Even if I was able to one day snag 'em and bail

Exactly fuck I'm supposed to do with a bagful of snails?

"Oh here comes crazy old Aes-y, holding his bagful of snails

He also bark at the traffic and drink his Tab from a grail"

Not doing it, I love those fish

I love those snails, coexist

I think about the day it eventually overflows

And fills the whole apartment, then fills the whole of Rome

A reckoning is upon us, a decision must prevail

A sensible re-homing or

Snails!