I was living the life
Yes, I was having so much fun
I was winning awards I didn't even know I'd won
And just in case you can't tell, all of that went straight to hell
When I was kidnapped by some Afghan guy
Who made me build a missile or I would die
I got a magnet in my chest
Thanks to this guy wearing a vest
Who dies but I am able to give them all the boot
With the fire I can shoot
From this really kick-ass suit that can also fly
For like eight seconds
But after some improvements using robotic tools
I was able to make the suit way more cool
Then I got rebellious
Obadiah Stane got jealous
And he stole my heart in a completely non-gay way
(Oh, oh)
In a completely non-gay way
(Oh, oh)
And so I killed him
I've been living in a third world country
Which is kind of ironic since I'm trying not to get angry
I've been working in a bottle factory
Then I got discovered and tracked down by the military
Then back in New York I found my girlfriend
I destroyed a helicopter
And then this guy got jealous of me
Deja vu
And then he became a muscley freak too
Kinda wish I had killed him
The Stark Expo's back
And now that everyone knows that I'm a superhero and Hammer Tech blows
My life is great
Nothing can go wrong
Oh, wait
Some Russian guy wants me to die
And so I killed him
Okay, I lied
The Russian went on to work for Hammer Tech
I found a crossword puzzle on my neck
And so I threw a party
And I really partied hearty
Until Rhodey came in
Kicked my ass
And stole my suit
And now the Russian guy has drones
And I'm pretty much all alone
Since Pepper abandoned me
Rhodey's a War Machine
My chest is killing me
So I invent
A new element
Shaped like a triangle
And then I killed that Russian guy
In the land of Asgard
I'm about to be King
Until I disobey my father which kind of screws up everything
Stripped of powers
Banished to Earth
Hilarity ensues
I get arrested by SHIELD
And I fall in love with a Jew
While I'm gone
Loki takes over Asgard
Without my powers killing this giant cyclops thing is really hard
Through the power of Odin's tear
I get my powers back
And now I have no choice but to counter Loki's attack
By killing him
Kind of
Not really
I wanted to be an American soldier
But instead they gave me the cold shoulder
They thought I'd get killed easily
Just because I have a few health difficulties
So to save myself the embarrassment
I partake in a dangerous experiment
That gives my biceps, pecs and abs
I can also run slightly faster
So I go murder some Nazi bastards
Led by a guy who's named Red Skull for some reason
And so I killed him
Right before crashing into the Arctic
And freezing over for several decades
I wake up in the future
Where I have to adjust
To seeing Black people sitting in the front of the bus
And so just when I think that this is all a bad dream
This Black guy tells me about joining a team
Now we all are obligated to join forces
Even though we hate each other for some bizzare reason
And well, we can't kill each other since we're all equally matched
So we might as well stop this plan that Loki has hatched
"Wait, Loki's alive?"
"Indeed"
"Ugh, what the hell?"
"Bruce didn't kill the Abomination!"
"Yeah, Bruce, what the hell was that about?"
"Well, my girlfriend told me not to"
"Pussy"
The portal opens
Loki's army attacks
Insert fight scene
We have each other's backs
Rather suspenseful
Since Tony almost dies
Loki is stopped
Thanks to Thor, Captain America, Hulk, Iron Man, and these guys
And so we killed him!
"Well, we didn't kill him, we just sort of beat the shit out of him"
So we beat the shit out of him!
