Ain’t Gonna Suck Itself

[Chorus] I said, baby, it ain't gonna suck itself Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself I said, baby, it ain't gonna suck itself What 'chew waitin' for? it ain't gonna suck itself [Verse 1] Well, I flew out from Virginia on the very first day I heard my record company exercise my pay to play Went to see Mr. Lott, but his assistant said no "Security will escort you to the parking lot" It was 102 degrees, I was feeling kind of hot So I walked across the street for one of those Mexican frozen popsicles Couldn't buy just one, so I bought myself a box When I come back, the assistant, she's standing in the parking lot No hard feelings, do you want one of these? But she looks at me like I was speaking Chinese The security man walks up, he helps himself to one Coincidently Chinese and hot from standing in the sun Then he helps himself to another, he puts it in her hand But she looks at it like it was a piece of crap Or a dead and dying bird, she didn't understand So I was just trying to be helpful when I said [Chorus] Baby, it ain't gonna suck itself Oh Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself I beg to differ cousin, it should be "It ain't gonna lick itself" Okay, we'll try it that way It ain't gonna lick itself [Verse 2] Well, I'm standing in the parking lot waiting on my ride His name is Jackson Haring and he's still inside He went in through the mailroom for some record company swag But this is Virgin Records, there ain't shit to be had And the halls, they was empty 'cause everyone was laid off And he took a wrong turn, ends up in the tape vault Only one thing to do when you're standin' face to face With the Sticky Fingers, Let It Bleed master tapes You got to stick them in the satchel and head on down the hall Sayin, "These will go nicely with that Resident's eyeball" Many years ago while working for Bill Graham Presents A prop eyeball was stolen backstage from The Residents And the rumor went around that Jackson was the thief But that's neither here nor there, now we're sittin' in the jeep Looking at the Sticky Fingers master tapes My popsicle's drippin' on the seat so I throw it out the window And it lands at the feet of Roy Lott [Chorus] Hey Roy, it ain't gonna suck itself Ah Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself And one time for the ladies, It ain't gonna lick itself (Alright, ladies) Oh Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself [Guitar Solo] [Chorus] Baby, it ain't gonna suck itself Everyone at Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself One for the ladies, it ain't gonna lick itself (Mhm) What 'chew waitin' for? It ain't gonna suck itself Mr. Lott, it ain't gonna suck itself Everyone on Foothill Road, it ain't gonna suck itself Just so we're totally not sexist, it ain't gonna lick itself (What's wrong with being insensitive?) Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself