Ain’t Gonna Suck Itself

[Chorus]

I said, baby, it ain't gonna suck itself

Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself

I said, baby, it ain't gonna suck itself

What 'chew waitin' for? it ain't gonna suck itself

[Verse 1]

Well, I flew out from Virginia on the very first day

I heard my record company exercise my pay to play

Went to see Mr. Lott, but his assistant said no

"Security will escort you to the parking lot"

It was 102 degrees, I was feeling kind of hot

So I walked across the street for one of those Mexican frozen popsicles

Couldn't buy just one, so I bought myself a box

When I come back, the assistant, she's standing in the parking lot

No hard feelings, do you want one of these?

But she looks at me like I was speaking Chinese

The security man walks up, he helps himself to one

Coincidently Chinese and hot from standing in the sun

Then he helps himself to another, he puts it in her hand

But she looks at it like it was a piece of crap

Or a dead and dying bird, she didn't understand

So I was just trying to be helpful when I said

[Chorus]

Baby, it ain't gonna suck itself

Oh Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself

I beg to differ cousin, it should be

"It ain't gonna lick itself"

Okay, we'll try it that way

It ain't gonna lick itself

[Verse 2]

Well, I'm standing in the parking lot waiting on my ride

His name is Jackson Haring and he's still inside

He went in through the mailroom for some record company swag

But this is Virgin Records, there ain't shit to be had

And the halls, they was empty 'cause everyone was laid off

And he took a wrong turn, ends up in the tape vault

Only one thing to do when you're standin' face to face

With the Sticky Fingers, Let It Bleed master tapes

You got to stick them in the satchel and head on down the hall

Sayin, "These will go nicely with that Resident's eyeball"

Many years ago while working for Bill Graham Presents

A prop eyeball was stolen backstage from The Residents

And the rumor went around that Jackson was the thief

But that's neither here nor there, now we're sittin' in the jeep

Looking at the Sticky Fingers master tapes

My popsicle's drippin' on the seat so I throw it out the window

And it lands at the feet of Roy Lott

[Chorus]

Hey Roy, it ain't gonna suck itself

Ah Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself

And one time for the ladies, It ain't gonna lick itself (Alright, ladies)

Oh Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself

[Guitar Solo]

[Chorus]

Baby, it ain't gonna suck itself

Everyone at Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself

One for the ladies, it ain't gonna lick itself (Mhm)

What 'chew waitin' for? It ain't gonna suck itself

Mr. Lott, it ain't gonna suck itself

Everyone on Foothill Road, it ain't gonna suck itself

Just so we're totally not sexist, it ain't gonna lick itself (What's wrong with being insensitive?)

Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself