Softball: The Musical

[PAIGE, spoken] Ladies and gentlemen, Softball: The Musical [BERNIE, spoken] Aw, shucks Another day of bein' knocked around You know, it stinks being a softball I wish I could be A hardball [BERNIE] You know, I'm tired of it Taking hits all the time, yes, I'm tired of it This abuse is a crime And if only I could toughen up And have courage, I swear I'd finally leave this stadium And see the world out there [PAIGE, FRANKIE & VIKING GUY] You know, he's tired of it [BERNIE] I'm tired of it [VIKING GUY] Come here, softball And I will hit you hard It's the rule of the ball to get hit by the bat And I won't hold anything back And the crowd will hear a crack Now, prepare for a bat attack [BERNIE] No! [DIRK, spoken] He's the bad guy! [BERNIE, spoken] Snack bar foods I need to stand up to the bat Do you have any advice? [PAIGE, spoken] Sure, we've got some advice [FRANKIE] You should probably buy a hot dog [BERNIE, spoken] What? [FRANKIE] It'll give you lots of energy [PAIGE] And while you're at, you should buy some pretzels [BERNIE, spoken] Not helpful [PAIGE] We're salty and we only cost $4.93 [DIRK, spoken] Hahaha, snack bar foods don't talk [BERNIE] I've been through so much pain My stitching's black and blue [AMELIA] I promise I won't drop the ball I'm right here under you I'll catch you [BERNIE] Will you catch me? [AMELIA] I'll never let you fall I'll catch [BERNIE & AMELIA] You [DIRK, spoken] She caught him [BERNIE, spoken] Ah! You're not gonna knock me around anymore, bat Because this softball has become a hardball [VIKING GUY, spoken] You listen to me, do you, ball? 'Cause I never meant to hurt you I only wanted to hit you out of the stadium so that you could finally Live your dream [BERNIE, spoken] You mean, this whole time you've Been trying to help me? [DIRK, spoken] Oh my gosh [BERNIE, spoken] But, glove I-I can't take you with me [AMELIA, spoken] It's okay You don't need a glove to catch you anymore Because you'll be soaring [BERNIE, spoken] Thank you, everybody I'll always be with you [PAIGE, FRANKIE, AMELIA & VIKING GUY] He'll hit you hard He'll hit you hard