Dear Abby

[Verse 1] Dear Abby, dear Abby, my feet are too long My hair's falling out and my rights are all wrong My friends they all tell me that I've no friends at all Won't you write me a letter? Won't you give me a call? Signed, Bewildered [Chorus] Bewildered, Bewildered, you have no complaint You are what you are and you ain't what you ain't So listen up, buster, and listen up good Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood [Verse 2] Dear Abby, dear Abby, my fountain pen leaks My wife hollers at me and my kids are all freaks Every side I get up on is the wrong side of bed If it weren't so expensive, I'd wish I were dead Signed, Unhappy [Chorus] Unhappy, Unhappy, you have no complaint You are what you are and you ain't what you ain't So listen up, buster, and listen up good Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood [Verse 3] Dear Abby, dear Abby, huh Dear Abby, dear Abby Dear Abby, dear Abby, you won't believe this But my stomach makes noises whenever I kiss My girlfriend tells me it's all in my head But my stomach tells me to write you instead Signed, Noise-maker [Chorus] Noise-maker, Noise-maker, you have no complaint You are what you are and you ain't what you ain't So listen up, buster, and listen up good Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood [Verse 4] Dear Abby, dear Abby, well I never thought That me and my girlfriend would ever get caught We were sitting in the back seat just shooting the breeze With her hair up in curlers and her pants to her knees Signed, Just Married [Chorus] Just Married, Just Married, you have no complaint You are what you are and you ain't what you ain't So listen up, buster, and listen up good Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood Signed, Dear Abby