Dear Abby

[Verse 1]

Dear Abby, dear Abby, my feet are too long

My hair's falling out and my rights are all wrong

My friends they all tell me that I've no friends at all

Won't you write me a letter? Won't you give me a call?

Signed, Bewildered

[Chorus]

Bewildered, Bewildered, you have no complaint

You are what you are and you ain't what you ain't

So listen up, buster, and listen up good

Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood

[Verse 2]

Dear Abby, dear Abby, my fountain pen leaks

My wife hollers at me and my kids are all freaks

Every side I get up on is the wrong side of bed

If it weren't so expensive, I'd wish I were dead

Signed, Unhappy

[Chorus]

Unhappy, Unhappy, you have no complaint

You are what you are and you ain't what you ain't

So listen up, buster, and listen up good

Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood

[Verse 3]

Dear Abby, dear Abby, huh

Dear Abby, dear Abby

Dear Abby, dear Abby, you won't believe this

But my stomach makes noises whenever I kiss

My girlfriend tells me it's all in my head

But my stomach tells me to write you instead

Signed, Noise-maker

[Chorus]

Noise-maker, Noise-maker, you have no complaint

You are what you are and you ain't what you ain't

So listen up, buster, and listen up good

Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood

[Verse 4]

Dear Abby, dear Abby, well I never thought

That me and my girlfriend would ever get caught

We were sitting in the back seat just shooting the breeze

With her hair up in curlers and her pants to her knees

Signed, Just Married

[Chorus]

Just Married, Just Married, you have no complaint

You are what you are and you ain't what you ain't

So listen up, buster, and listen up good

Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood

Signed, Dear Abby