Instrumental: Flowers by Madlib
[Verse]
I try and be upbeat (I try and be upbeat…)
I try remain comfy (I try remain comfy…)
But somedays it’s inescapable how agitated I get
A million and one things are racing through my head
Nauseated/ yep/ but with my pen I’m sick
I know that but that comfort doesn’t come as quick
As I’d expect it to I’m sceptical to what the future holds
But still behold the spectacle
No point in chasing steps/ I make them
I’ll take a breath/ clear my head and view what’s irking me
And work out why I’m seeing red or feeling blue
Refuse to feed the next demonic thought that’s sought to poison me
I’ll fight to keep my soul in tact/ I seem as blessed as I can be
My friends/ my girl/ my family
And I’ll be damned if I rebuke the Lord for all this torment mentally
Was born an entity who refused to crawl into his bed and sleep
That was two or four/ this week it hit me that I’m 21
With thoughts of jealousy/ paranoia pinching me
Latched and caught in grips and seized
A year ago I’d be the one who would succumb
To every clutch but now it’s backing off
I’m breaking free/ I’ll carry on remembering my past mistakes
No longer stepping on those shards again
I learnt a lot I’ve changed and that’s my word to God
Not Charlemagne/ I’m hardly Drake
But nothing was the same when I was young and dumb
And tryna carve a name out for myself
When I had doubts for myself and I was shouting for help
Drowning in this swimming pool and weeping at the deep-end
All the time I’d been at school I hated it
‘Til I learnt to be more sociable
Someone people could approach like
Cool, I need your help/ I need advice
I need your thoughts/ I need your eyes
I need your words/ I need your mic
I need an arm on which to lay my head and cry
I’m still that guy…
But still I’m far from sane with half a brain
And can’t believe that I could even last a day
But I’ve been told I’m good
Been told I’m chill/ been told I’m cute
Been told I’m sick/ been told I will make it
It means so much for me to hear it
‘Cause my work keeps me coherent
I should be rolling with no fear at all
But I’m scared as hell
Broken/ soaked in soulful tears of joy and pain
The type you don’t see but that’s just life
You know me/ I’ll make the best of it
A testament to my will and faith
I write it mostly in the hope that I can feel at ease
‘Cause I get shocked when I do bad
But still get wounded when I do good
Still look at my reflection saying “do you”
Those who do me wrong will do me wrong
A depressing fact but don’t be someone else
Thinking that’s the end of that
I stood my ground throughout the bullshit I’ve encountered
And I’m glad and thankful for the strength I have to be the best I can
It’s stressful man
Guess now would be the perfect time to end the track
