Self - Portrait Backwards

She said, it just seems strange To do everything except the things you say that you want to do I'm not trying to sound mean If that's what you want, that's what you want Do you still want things? I drew myself backwards at night in our room Started with the parts of the day reversed First this afternoon Man in sunlight doing dishes We were both pretty high that night The TV played a show again we'd already seen She was on the floor, peeling an orange I felt along a crack down in the back of my teeth Is it a new one? Are you still having fun? Are you feeling fulfilled? I don't mean to sound harsh Do you know who you are? I drew myself backwards at night in our room Further to the past by the week as I went Five or six ago Self-portrait holding dental bill Pin them all on the wall In the garden I didn't plant, April Unknown figure silhouetted by phone screen light, last fall Color study, black and blue, age thirty-two Abstractions me and you, on-going series On the highway at night, at twenty-nine Still life with red wine and Vicodin, 2013 Smiling kid with stitched face, age eleven Color study, shades of white, 1987 Exhibition, work in progress, incomplete And you get to the end of, what, fifteen seasons of something? And since it always seems like too much work to find something new to watch You just start it over again And because it's changed so much over time It feels like a different show going all the way back And how could you have not noticed? But you watch through again and it starts to make sense how Because all the things that did were so small, so gradual You never realized it was changing