[Intro: Danger Dolan]
Planet Dolan
[Verse 1: Danger Dolan]
Uh, feelin' like a Top 15 or a questionary
Tell my PD commenters, get they questions ready
Send 'em to the channel plenty with answers, very merry
Don't be weird, fucka, is you ready?
I've been thinkin' 'bout all the dubs in my career now (What?)
X the hoes in my posse, 'round the same amount (What?)
Ever since this new Tube fame came about
Or ever since me and Kevin started hangin' out, huh
Kitten, let her gun bang, let the cunt spray
Transition to a diamond button from a gold thang
Dolls slang in the top game from the hustling
(I know one thing) Nothing here is better than that Dolan Train
Job off the coast guard, cheffin' like we Boyar—
Dee, probably reppin' D on your biggest channel
Hat like I'm the Don, my la familia go hard
Down to my brothas, they fucked up, good morals
[Verse 2: Hellbent]
We blow up, then I bogart, any folks that throw tokes at
With a toe-tag, get broke off from Destruna with a 5-star
I roll past and I burn y'all like, "Hi there" I hate y'all
When the steam serves, I eat y'all like, "Steamed hams!"
Let's play ball in a ballpark with an oligarch and a blindfold
I rhyme cold, I'm Hell hot, your mind fold, that hark like heralds on
That attempt of a stream clip, coming in straight from the slip—
Up, make that shirt say F.U.C.K. on Kirk shit
If I'm not the hottest then Hellbent done froze over
You thought we was gone then forgot what our goal was
I carry traits of a mistaken whore or
A king fell from grace, I might snap, I might ghost ya'
Spine right out of place, give me love like you 'posed to
Claws at your posters, harsh nights like this
I burn up like I hope to, I might groom a bitch
Or go bomb like Ye's Vultures and drop off the cliff
[Verse 3: Nixxiom]
Barely even conscious, yappin' in the comments
Gettin' deeper in my voice like corpses
I'm on my porsche shit, don't drop bars, my flow quickens
Don't tell faux, seen the questions through my vision
Somehow bypassed the drama and autism
The stalking and the spillin', so given
They hear my pitches and thought that was the cringe shit
But fortunately, I am not the guy from Reddit
So pass the metal, let me Skillet
Just got back to the block from a 6 o'clock with cryptids
And I'm thinkin' 'bout signin' to Sony
But my fuckas in the spot still at YouTube on both knees
And I swear it hurt me soul
I try to prevail but when I preach I only hurt their subs
Like you're only gon' end up either washed up or mugged
But you my co-host, wish you the best for real
[Verse 4: Pringle]
When you mention my name amongst other Dolan hosts
Or for that matter any fuckin' YouTuber, fuck it
Artist, gamer, musician, disrespected, dirt-mud-eatin'
Fry kitchen, no buck, cussin' YouTubein', you would be in
Trouble to 'count recover or couple me to another
'Cause comparatively speakin', my slate is beyond the others
That I'm working in, my paper's beyond the hussle
I'm bundled with noobies in, new Qs again?
You in school at 10, flunked, channel is gonna be goin' in gold
And so? Great! Do I need a flyin' crux
To find a lotta' love to my tryin' plus a line, give up
Pringle's chips are climbin' up—wait! No, I don't give a
Flying duck nothin' but a punch-drunk; click, blaow!
Motherfuck your stance, racist blood-clot
Ain't never been no Tuber this cold since jawed was froze
And thawed out for a spot date at an AI show—Pringle
[Verse 5: Melissa Morgan]
We in different columns like it's Cosmodore and Salty
And I'm going overhead like bars you hear on this beat
Antsy 'cause I'm high like PewDiePie, How High?
Barrel poppin' in the sun, in Japan, with shades on
Bro coochie smell like a pigeon
Wouldn't answer it on my husband's damn wishlist
Bitch, when I say fact, I mean it
Bean maker, I'm the meanest
Lore so big, it's on par with TLH: Revamped
Those curses got me nauseous, aw, shit, no cough drip
All this is obnoxious, on that "lick girl cock" shit
That is my synopsis, ostrich is a top bitch
Kids on some hot shit, stop it! This not it!
Novel of mindspit, heartful and awkward
Cryin' tears of yolk, a prima donna in the content
The don is the next chronic, got them as riled as folks with Sonic
Just bein' honest, tell me, all of that's on us then?
[Verse 6: Dolan's Brother]
Quickly, I boost the views up 60
A legendary, so you know I brought the cake with me
The screen's reflection off my face hit me
You should have stayed with me
Now many YouTube admins lay with me
The face is drawn like a paper bought
My shorty droppin' in the mornin' in the shower like a racin' horse
Platinum records dropped from Raq kids very often
Confetti torchin', suckin' Pennys like Jimmy Donaldson
Quite freaked up, I fixed the beef between Smosh and Ryan Higa
You see us put the weed up, sellin' Zach Jamblins
Yo Mama's dirt, raises 'bestos like the phantom
Damn, this shit looks like ass backwards, uh
You see me comin' through at each date
Just so the lord could put the comment in the template
Cuffed to my sack, I've got the briefcase
The gavel buck, I'm all free, bruh, try not to cook duck
[Verse 7: Shima Luan]
Shima Luan
Spit like my last vid: vagueness queen, six deep
Dilate, the cat is back, out come the questions asked
After that, channels I can't pronounce, like, "How you watchin' that?"
Why you ask for ass and all you like is trash?
All I had was acting, all they had was crass
All I wanted was peace and all they had done snapped
Fuck them stalkers and fuck them clones, a number one win is
The aftermath, ask Nicole C., open palm, slap a cracker
Walk the rope or break a rule, I've been in the business of circus tricks
Chokin' raccoons out with the dough that they named with
Resuscitations cost a pilot, I'm taxin' if you want a clip
Clear, fuck your career, bitch, we was born here
Been a kitter, '34er bredda, that's my home to yer'
Get the fuck from out here, that's just my creepy ways
Lickin' on my booty cheeks, bitchin' while I was sharpenin' blades
Grippin' roles, startin' games, breakin' jaws like Edding, bae
Miss me with that Theater chatter, go to WorldCorp with my case
I put that in my blood, how could you ever clown me?
Most tubers hopin' the site crash so they won't have to hear another story
Dolan, he saw the role in me, so why can't you?
In order to come up close, you'll have to dig up Mat and NormalBoots
(That wasn't no sample, fucka!)
Wettened water flow, creepypasta past
Fuck your nazi flag, poppin' PD tags on your waifu's ass (on your waifu's ass)
That's out of line, but for Chazington, huh?
I'm more like Marilyn Monroe on you old fuckers: a true furry
[Outro: Seymour Skinner, Superintendant Chalmers & Ms. Skinner]
Good lord! What is happening in there?
Aurora Borealis
A-... Aurora Borealis? At this time of year! At this time of day! In this part of the country! Localized entirely within your kitchen?!?
Yes
May I see it?
No
Seymour! The house is on fire!
No, mother, it's just the Northern Lights
Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say, you steam a good ham
Help! Help! Help!