[Verse 1]
One lonely evening alone home
End up with carpal tunnel syndrome
Here I am, known for giving heavy back aches
Grown and living off of Little Debbie snack cakes
Supposed to be checking emails
All I got is messages from ass naked females (Cookies!)
I don't know no Jenny
She said it's free and I won't owe her a penny
And that's the last time I saw her
But thousands of more horrors on online Gomorrah
And Sodom, they got 'em with their curls out
And they got a better salеs pitch than the Girl Scouts
I wonder what I owe hеr
For a whole box of caramel coconut samoa
("Nite nite") Uh, okay honey, sweet dreams
Now it gets very serious like Peek Freans
A metal handful, squish it on the quilt
Mrs. wakes up and I'm kill't over spilt milk
Locked in, looking at your picture
Fully clothed winter and I'm right there with ya
Thinking about the last time I split your wishbone
A man could only wish you do the same 'til he get home
Fat chance, at least he got snacks
That'd have to do 'til a brother get back
Until then smack One-Eyed Jack
And hope one of his peoples can hook him with a tri-pack
That's three different flavors
Chocolate, vanilla and strawberry wafers
He acting all hard, 'bout to get beat up
I'll show him what time it is once I get this sheet up
Soon as he fell off the beat down
All I hear is, "13th cell put the sheet down"
Damn C.O., what the hell does she know?
Besides the fact she want her back dug out on the d-low
A workaholic with a fountain in the ink pen
House in the mountains and he stopped drinking again
In the wee hours, he's gotten farther
Needing three showers, being hot and bothered
The wiz with her leg bent, pregnant
God bless the day she wondered where her egg went
He got the L but it's hard to drink without it
And I could use some cookies but try not to think about it
Watching "BET" on jazz for knowledge on file
Every other commercial, "college hoes gone wild"
Soft batch, he prefer the other bunch
Like they got for lunch, chocolate fudge butter crunch
[Sample of Cookie Monster Eating]
[Instrumental Break]
Bring it back
[Verse 2]
Don't mess with the Ritz Bits (No)
Wheat Thins, Saltines or Triscuits (No)
Matzos or Cheez-Its
Catch sugar fits every time that he see a nice pair of
Chips Ahoy, double chocolate chunk
Something with the bubble and the junk in the trunk
Even the Oreos, no matter what weather
Always kept 'em dipped in milk and stuck together
In the game he's shameless
Even uses a code name: Famous Amos
Cheaper than a short stay at the Days Inn
And good like 25 cent oatmeal raisin
Give it up to who invented the camera
Never mind the gingerbread man or the Grandma’s
Shh, make sure she don't wake from her dream chill
Or get caught with a handful of cream fill
[Interlude]
"Cookies"
"Ew!"
It might seem ill
"Go wash your hands! That's nasty."
Kookies
"Oh ho, cookies!"
[Outro: Samples]
(UN leader): We shall now vote for a new world leader. I nominate, DOOM. All in favor, say "Aye"
(Delegates (In unison)): Aye!
(John Jameson): Oh no
(DOOM): DOOM, is master of the world
(Spider-Man): I'd sure hate to see that ugly mug of yours in my history book
(DOOM): You've disturbed me for the last time
(Ben, The Thing): Hey, y'know something gang, that DOOM ain't really all bad
(Sue, The Invisible Woman): What do you mean, Ben?
(Ben, The Thing): Well, on account of him I had me a real good time. Y'know, I mean, between you and me I kinda like being black
(H.E.R.B.I.E.): Well, maybe if we're lucky he'll attack us once more and send you back, Benjamin
(Ben, The Thing): Ah-haha very funny, very very funny
(Sue, The Invisible Woman): He must be mad
(Dr. Reed, Mister Fantastic): Well, if anyone can do it. Nevertheless let's get out of here, while we can
(Misc. voice): Food, we need food
