Rootless

I pulled up my own roots Tore each fibre from the compost For fear of stagnation Picking encrusted blu tac from the back of crumpled photos Folding yellowed tape over the corners To stick them somewhere new Drinking red wine in the bath together Pretending the speckled mould is a constellation Filthy lino Our names carved into the table Unstable Breaking Blood and dirt and bones and mud on unwashed sheets I became one of the lost boys That tried to carve a home in me For whom I made myself hollow And left once I was empty Now I'm knocking at the doors To which I used to have the key Craving and evading Craving and evading Taps from the flat across the hall High ceilings, single glazing The sky constantly changing Skeletal plane trails reminding Gritty sheets from dirty paws The smell of heated dog hair from the hoover Smashed glass glittering in the street lamp Tall men and mountains Bracing then embracing the wind Plunging into icy water Damp hair and spreading heat A mattress in the back of a van Rain on the roof The moon through the leaves Waking with the dappled light Entangled limbs Jigsaw pieces I can't absorb the rain directly from the sky I'm desperately thirsty but it passes too quickly It takes time for strangers to mean something I think of tables I have sat around I'm homesick for somewhere that I've never been Nostalgic for memories I have yet to make I warned you that I'm restless That I'll refuse to settle for less If I can even settle at all I'm scared I might be shrinking Limp and pale Craving and evading Craving and evading