I Am a Thoughtful Guy

I am a thoughtful guy I think about a lotta things I am a thoughtful guy I think a lotta thoughts about a lotta things I think about space and the vastness of it I think about cake and how much I love it I think about if Walmart is good or evil I think tattoos are cool, on other people I think about the unexplored depths of the ocean I think about the difference in ointment and lotion I think about if I should wax my back I think a handful of nuts is healthy snack I am a thoughtful guy Right now, I'm thinking about the millions of microorganisms Livin' on my body, it's like I'm a mothership A 100% male mothership I think about how I could get on the local news If I strolled into a McDonald's and stripped down nude I think about a hotdog while I'm eating it But then I pause 'cause I'm thinkin' about its ingredients I think about the first guy who ever shaved And how many times did he shave before the second guy caved? I think about if a friend were choking on ice "Just be patient" would the best advice I think about that moment when I'm driftin' off to sleep And then my body jerks like I'm falling suddenly I wonder if that's a defense mechanism for somethin' Like when you're sleepin' on a cliff, or just top-bunking Sometimes I think how old guys like to whittle And how if I start now and just whittle a little My whittling skills will hone before I get old And I'll pwn all my friends at the retirement home I think of all the places that a penny has been Like, seriously, think of all the places that a penny's been in It could'a been in the pocket of the president's suit But it's probably also been in some toddler's poop 'Cause little kids eat pennies like they're Flintstone Vitamins Accruing no interest while traveling inside of 'em Re-entering circulation might boost the economy But I'd rather not pay with a penny that's performed a colonoscopy I think that our universe is really one of many With many parallel me's, stretching to infinity Doing activities similarly to me Yet, at the same time, done slightly differently And seemingly, right now they could be Thinking this same thought as me Well, a similar thought but not the same thought exactly That's pretty deep I am a thoughtful guy Right now, I'm thinkin' about the people who invented words Did they just look at stuff and say the first thing that came to their minds? And if so, how do you explain duffel bag? I think, "How do I know that you and me See the same colors the same way when you and me see?" Is my red blue for you, or my green your green too? Could it be true we see differing hues? And say we do, then how would we discover this fact? And even if we did, would there be any impact? I don't think this would affect us personally But I think it would have ripple effects throughout the interior design industry I think about if I was turned into an ant I'd want my loved ones to know, so I thought of a plan I'd gather twigs and leaves and write my name on the ground Then I'd wait for my family and friends to crowd around But now I'm thinkin' that when they saw it They'd think the human me wrote it and an ant was crawling on it Then not realizing the ant me was really the real me In a strange twist of fate I think they'd probably kill me I am a thoughtful guy I am a thoughtful guy And right now, I'm thinking about what if I was abducted by aliens While I had a really bad farmer's tan? The aliens might incorrectly conclude that our species was two-toned That's exactly what I thought And then somehow, through this error, my tan lines save the human race I like that thought Yeah, I think a lotta thoughts like that Me too