I’m a Textpert (Rap Battle)

Hey Whatcha doing? Driving, whatcha doing? Driving and texting. Hmmm. Are you sure you should be doing that? Yes, because. I'm a textpert An expert at texting Rejecting the notion that you think I'll be wrecking Due to the fact that I'm distracted?! I multi-task best behind the wheel when I get textually active YOU should keep both eyes on the road, sir. For real You'll look down, look up and end up in the trunk of another automobile Leave it to a pro. Be incommunicado Until you get to where you need to go, this conversation's O. Ver No it isn't? Yes it is No it isn't! Cause I'm a textpert! An expert at texting Pressing, my keypad when my car's not resting I can divide my attention up I got so much attention, I've got an eleven-tion With one eye on the road; one eye on my phone I texted-in this drive-thru order for my latte and scone Thank you Now I'm-n-a text-n-eat-n-sip-n-dip and shift It in to D and then chin-drive home I'm a textpert A textin' traveler who doesn't need a chauffeur-eur-eur-eur-eur I'm a textpert Don't worry, nobody's gonna get hurt-urt-urt-urt-urt Sometimes I text both sides of a conversation Cause it's tough to keep up with my text-ual pacing On rare occasion, when I've got nothing to text about I text myself reminders of what I'm doing now I carry on, more concurrent conversations Than one phone alone is prone to accept So, I've Tested and perfected my patented method: The second handset hands-free toe text I ride with my Swedish Masseuse She gimme deep tissue thumb shiatzu My yogi shows me hand yoga poses, like: Downward Facing Pinky and Thumb Lotus I'll never stoop so low, as to text photos Instead I text the correct combo of 1's and 0's I'm an artiste! Using ASCII! I just texted this toad to an art gallery I text more, than the next bored pre-pubescent tween! In fact I've text-induced my own second puberty! How does that work exactly? Everything that happened before is happening some more That's all I'm comfortable sharing at this time... I gave a lift to a drifter! And texted his estranged sister And now I'm hostin' em here for dinner! Well did I mention I'm a text-itrician? A next-gen OB/GYN, a Lamaze text-nician Well, I'm the next Dr. Phil of SMS I'm poppin' out babies with the power of text! By the way, where're you headed son? Headed West on 421 Uh-huh West?! Yes. You? Me? I'm headed... "If you're texting, you're not driving."