It's Not Interesting

I say there's more hurt than happy in my mind Each time my chest aches Like I can't breathe deep right But maybe I just don't know myself that well Or I'm up on the stage playing up the lies: "Isn't he miserable?" "Dylan, are you alright?" You're the only one that I've talked to tonight If I'm being honest, it's only cause I'm scared Maybe I should learn to love myself? It always feels better staying down Maybe I'll be happy in the end? Should I hold my breath and wait for it? It's the same way that I've always been— Talking shit for attention; complaining for the eyes; Telling every stranger I meet the same three stories It's not interesting Feeling more paranoid than motivated Turning down sex when I'm feeling depressed And when I think I'm losing my mind I have a chorus of voices who remind me that: "Nothing you do is real Nothing you feel is real But it's full of consequences." Maybe I should learn to love myself? It always feels better staying down Maybe I'll be happy in the end? Should I hold my breath and wait for it? I'm spending a year out of my comfort zone I don't think I've ever been comfortable in my life Or my own skin So I spent a decade painting myself blue Running from any hint of the truth: I'm far too old to complain about dying alone When I've been the way I've been I'm spending a year out of my comfort zone I don't think I've ever been comfortable in my life Or my own skin So I spent a decade painting myself blue Running from any hint of the truth: I'm far too old to complain about dying alone When I've been the way I've been I'm spending a year out of my comfort zone I don't think I've ever been comfortable in my life Or my own skin So I spent a decade painting myself blue Running from any hint of the truth: I'm far too old to complain about dying alone When I've been the way I've been And I don't think I can fix this if I find god There's no drug in the world that could possibly wash this off I can't even go down to the river And stick my fucking head in it The feeling's gone Just let me come back home Let me wash the dark away