Last October

I spent the end of last October crying on your shoulder. I'll just never win. We're going through this, I'm not even there. I'm never there. My mind, it could use a little peace and quiet. My soul wouldn't mind a warm place to hide. My ears are red and sore from always standing in the snow. My lungs need air. I spent it on all the "thanks yous" and "goodbyes." I'm scared. I'm helpless. I'm shaking. I'm weak. My bones, I feel them breaking. I'm tired of losing against me. I'm lost. I can't win. My tongue is bleeding red from all the things I can't say. My hands are clawing at the dirt to dig up anything. I can't say I didn't wish for this before. I'm ashamed. I don't deserve to be here anymore. I'm scared. I'm helpless. I'm shaking. I'm weak. My bones, I feel them breaking. I'm tired of losing against me. I'm lost. I can't win.