On the horizon of this forest path you see a group of dark cloaked figures
Slowly trudging towards you, what do you do?
My half-orc barbarian braces her greathammer and-
That’s a 1
Critical fail, Steve what do you do?
Well I believe in anticipation my rogue would try and hide behind a tree-
Ok, I rolled a 1
That’s another critical fail, Tom what does your human bard do?
Active Perception Check
(roll)
That’s a natural 20
Let’s fucking go
(flute)
I feel it in my fingers
I feel it in my toes
These muthafuckas mean to harm us
And they got to go
So come on, get’em now
You picked the wrong day
To fuck around with my
TIGHT CREW, oh, oh
There’s no escaping it
I can perceive you
Here’s what we’re gonna do
(flute)
Me and my boys gonna mess you up
I rolled a 1, I rolled a 1
FUCK
My boys are other wise engaged
So I’m gonna bring it all myself
Hey
I forgot, you’re suppose to tell me what I see, right?
Yes, thank you let’s just slow it all down a bit
So you notice that one of the hooded figures is a little shorter
I cast VICIOUS MOCKERY
Nat 20, let’s go
You’re a short muthafucka and nobody likes you
(flute)
SHORT!
Everybody says “Look how fucking short that guy is”
And that stops you from forming meaningful relationships
And when you were born everybody thought that you were just a head
But then the doctor said wait!
This stupid mutherfucking tiny short ass baby got a tiny little itty bitty body
and I HATE IT
Your attack lands and absolutely shatters the mind of the cloaked figure, perception check, please
Nat 20 Let’s go
You perceive the figure was so short because it was a CHILD
It’s always a kid
Specifically the child you’ve been looking for for the last
15 days game time and 5 days of our actual lives
Ok, I’m sorry, I didn’t know, I’ll be better
Fuck, his body’s just lying there, right?
Right?
Yes
Don’t-
Loot That Body
Gonna loot that body now
LOOT THAT BODY
Gotta loot that muthafucka
Play my flute when I loot that dead kid’s body
(flute)
BITCH
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