Perception Check

On the horizon of this forest path you see a group of dark cloaked figures Slowly trudging towards you, what do you do? My half-orc barbarian braces her greathammer and- That’s a 1 Critical fail, Steve what do you do? Well I believe in anticipation my rogue would try and hide behind a tree- Ok, I rolled a 1 That’s another critical fail, Tom what does your human bard do? Active Perception Check (roll) That’s a natural 20 Let’s fucking go (flute) I feel it in my fingers I feel it in my toes These muthafuckas mean to harm us And they got to go So come on, get’em now You picked the wrong day To fuck around with my TIGHT CREW, oh, oh There’s no escaping it I can perceive you Here’s what we’re gonna do (flute) Me and my boys gonna mess you up I rolled a 1, I rolled a 1 FUCK My boys are other wise engaged So I’m gonna bring it all myself Hey I forgot, you’re suppose to tell me what I see, right? Yes, thank you let’s just slow it all down a bit So you notice that one of the hooded figures is a little shorter I cast VICIOUS MOCKERY Nat 20, let’s go You’re a short muthafucka and nobody likes you (flute) SHORT! Everybody says “Look how fucking short that guy is” And that stops you from forming meaningful relationships And when you were born everybody thought that you were just a head But then the doctor said wait! This stupid mutherfucking tiny short ass baby got a tiny little itty bitty body and I HATE IT Your attack lands and absolutely shatters the mind of the cloaked figure, perception check, please Nat 20 Let’s go You perceive the figure was so short because it was a CHILD It’s always a kid Specifically the child you’ve been looking for for the last 15 days game time and 5 days of our actual lives Ok, I’m sorry, I didn’t know, I’ll be better Fuck, his body’s just lying there, right? Right？ Yes Don’t- Loot That Body Gonna loot that body now LOOT THAT BODY Gotta loot that muthafucka Play my flute when I loot that dead kid’s body (flute) BITCH