there is no woman. there is no drug. there's no amount of money or fun, no conversation that i could have, no entertainment that could distract me from the voice that's always in my ear, that's always telling me it doesn't matter. everywhere i go it's all i hear and it can hurt my head but it can sound so sweet. wondering if i'm awake. maybe i'm dreaming. well how could i tell anyway? trying to find my lucidity but, man, i know i can't believe my eyes. how can i tell you're in front of me and not a shadow made up in my mind? i think i need it. i know i don't. i want to drink and i want to smoke. i want to kiss and take off her dress. if it's not one thing then it's the next thing that i'm using to get through the day, that keeps me staring in the wrong direction, and if i only ever look one way then i could miss some things i might have liked to see. i built them up and they all fell down, one at a time until they laid on the floor. i know it eventually runs out and when it's gone i'll be looking for more. i built these walls up around myself. they're not as safe as i thought that they were. i built them up and they all fell down. it was the prettiest sound that i ever heard.
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