Dreams and Boxes

Part I: Dreams I think I know where all my problems come from (California) I never really had the guts to look under that log I need them all, all, all to love me But they see through me so easy I wish I could believe in your God Sounds fun, we could throw rocks out of heaven I get these dark thoughts every day now I never thought I'd be that one Good news, I'm way too scared to do it And I have too much fun being scared I'm in this for life Like it or not I'm not going anywhere, anywhere I'm in this for life Like it or not You will have to drag me by the neck I'm not gonna bail Writing on the ceiling of the box while the coffin is nailed California dreamin' while the demons are hot on our tail Hop a curb, yes, that was me off of the trail, officer No, I don't have a good reason I was just in a mood to go seekin' Heard a hard poem, it had my heart thumpin' Start my blood pumpin' again This one is for the people who raised me up It's for the people who raised me up If you remember one thing, then remember how it felt When you felt for the first time This one is for the people who raised me up It's for the people who raised me up If you remember one thing, then remember how it felt I'm in this for life I'm not going anywhere, anywhere I'm in this for life Drag me by the neck You want your holy grail Try not to overthink it I try but always fail But I want it so damn bad I'm addicted to life If I lived how I thought that you want me to live I don't think you'd like what you got If I shot my poetry out of a cannon Would it make it any better? If you fill a gun with glitter What'll become of the bullet If you're only suffering under a veil? I'm in this for life Like it or not I'm not going anywhere, anywhere I'm in this for life Like it or not You will have to drag me by the neck This one is for the people who raised me up It's for the people who raised me up If you remember one thing, then remember how it felt When you fell for the first time This one is for the people who raised me up It's for the people who raised me up If you remember one thing, then remember how it felt Part II: Untitled Spoken Word Poem I dreamed I understood myself completely We were having a party in a house falling out of the sky Every clique showed up The ones who love the smell of gasoline The shy beautifuls The microphone eaters The gimme gimme gimmes The maybe next years The boring childhooders who trashed their lives for fun The house rotated as it made it through the storm Eyeball-sized hail sailed sideways through the windows As the single pane, survived-the-great-fire hundred-year-old glass all smashed We laughed and dropped the hailstones in our drinks and danced We started chanting something optimistic that we knew was maybe mostly bullshit That if we even still felt one-tenth of one percent how we felt in that moment in the morning That it would be an energy that could shake neighborhoods from their foundations We dragged ourselves on a twenty-mile mission to fill our goblets in the kitchen I got stopped by a hallway goblin named Frank Who said he once dreamed Karl Marx and Rosa Parks were beating the shit out of him Which gave him a full-body orgasm I told him my dad analyzes dreams for a living and believes they're portals to the subconscious And I believe him and I don't judge you, we're all weirdos My dad still refuses to drive Beemers because they made cars for Hitler But I always suspected that that was convenient logic For a family that could only afford used station wagons I told him how in a drawer in my house I found a matchbook from my dad's 1955 Bar Mitzvah It still had nine dry unused matches that hadn't been torn from the cardboard It's a time machine and remains my second most prized possession Do you understand this, Frank? You're in the presence of a motherfucker who owns fire from the past Can you imagine getting high with a flame from 1955? Can you? Do you feel connected to your ancestors? Do you? Do you ever feel strange? Wonder how the world's gaze has shaped you? Do you fear being shaken by the shoulders like an Etch A Sketch Being mugged for your memories? I do They are my first most prized possession My very first memory was sitting in a high chair with my brother the day the Bay ripped in two The earthquake shook the china from the shelves and we clapped because we didn't understand I told him how my mother's father died in a plane crash I told him how my brother grew up to be a pilot And then the captain, which apparently the building had and was my brother Came over the intercom, which apparently the building had And alerted the party that the house was starting to spin faster And soon it would be time for us to hit the ground So either buckle your seatbelts, say your prayers Or find someone who wants to fuck you China was smashing against the ceiling Me and Frank said our goodbyes easily once I realized I'd been having a conversation in the mirror the whole time I climbed out a window, clung to a drainpipe, and watched the stars paint the sky Part III: Boxes Little boxes on the hillside (Elbows, ass, and my knees and toes) (I got my elbows, ass, and my knees and toes, I got my) Little boxes on the hillside (Elbows, ass, and my knees and toes) (I got my) I see the ghosts on every corner Of the people that we used to be So many that they sit upon the shoulders of their brothers and their sisters As our city slips into the sea Danny in a DC tee gettin' stomped in the head on Clement Street Kids in the black boots Dad's got the long hair, Dad's gettin' hired, gettin' fired Everybody wave (Me in the ambulance!) Mom's got my pills in a paper bag, bills on the table That's before they were really real people And the punks grabbed my bike in the Safeway parking lot Chased 'em for five blocks, never got it back Little boxes on the hillside (Elbows, ass, and my knees and toes) (I got my elbows, ass, and my knees and toes, I got my) Little boxes on the hillside (Elbows, ass, and my knees and toes) (I got my) We were already fading, we just didn't know it yet Holdin' onto the lie of my perfection tucked under my arm like a late Blockbuster cassette And fuck yeah, I was hard for Miss Popular Been jockin' her but she couldn't see where I sat with binoculars Binaca stashed in my pocket, shot my good shot, the good Lord, she blocked it Cherish the small tragedies The big ones are smokin' out in the bathroom and loiterin' for the moment when nobody sees 'em comin' An openin' they can jump in and make a total catastrophe My family tried to hold it together But now that we can't hold it together We'll hold each other closer instead Little boxes on the hillside (Elbows, ass, and my knees and toes) (I got my elbows, ass, and my knees and toes, I got my) Little boxes on the hillside (Elbows, ass, and my knees and toes) (I got my) Danny in the deep blue sea getting wasted on the MUNI out to DP Kids with the tall cans Dad's got the short hair, Dad's not retired quite yet Everybody wave (Me in the ambulance!) Mom plays guitar and she sings to us at night That was before we were really real people And the punks grabbed my bike in the Safeway parking lot Chased 'em for five blocks, never got it back Little boxes on the hillside There's a blue one and a yellow one And they all look just the same