Lost

When I write some shit that's real When I get a bunch of fans When somebody understands me When I win a bunch of Grammys And Pitchfork writes an article that says that I don't suck And I laugh off all the praise and claim that I don't give a fuck But I print the page and frame it and I hang it on my wall And linger at my name each time I pass it in the hall And remind myself each time I wanna curl up in a ball that someone whose opinion mattered thought I barely sucked at all And I throw myself a party and invite a bunch of homies That'll show me just how many other lonely people know me Then I'll finally be satisified and be convinced I made it And I'll taper off my meds and get my license reinstated I'll buy a truck and camper shell And learn to play guitar And every night I'll fuck the girl I love and sleep under the stars And I'll live out in the country til I get the urge to move and start to feel like I got something left to prove [Hook] I'm lost All out of answers Exhausted Homelands I've traveled across Rolled and I've gathered no moss Only found that I'm lost I know the fucking mantras I've done the daily practice I've tried restructuring my life The fact is as this planet roams the galaxy rotating on its axis I'm still anxious throwing random darts up at the atlas As if I'll address my issues through the issue of my address But I can't outlast the shadow of this vast expansive sadness I'm lying on a mattress feeling tragic Trying not to let my maturation bleed the world of magic As if abracadabra could patch my spirit's fraying fabric And I could go back to feeling all syrupy and ecstatic I crave a blade that's cleaving through this gruesome havoc Navigating past my weakest thoughts like weaving through some traffic But I'm clueless My habits are the cruelest And love is not some item I can write on my to do list And I am not some miracle that walks this lucky ground Heaven knows that it's the other way around [Hook]