Last Letter

I miss, I mi—, I miss you Eh, fuck it! This might be the hardest song I've ever had to write Yeah, I dreamt about you last night I only see you when I close my eyes tight Yeah, I wish I told you how I felt before you left But it just never felt right Yeah, I wish I told you everything before you left I won't forget the day that they found the growth in your chest The cancer took ahold of your body and then it spread I talk to you more now than I ever did—I'm a mess This song will never capture the pain that I could express I learned from you that nothing is perfect, but try your best I know you had your demons that younger me didn't get And out of all our demons, our biggest might be regret Relate more than ever, remember back when I would only see you every other week And every other Wednesday, you would take us out to eat Mom and you had split, so we're living in between Looking up the word "divorced" to understand what it could mean But I don't understand, Mom is with another man You been drinking heavier than me, wish just another can Culture full of broken homes, we were just another fam Coulda left like other dads, you, you had another plan So you stuck around, dealt a life that you probably would never choose You bottled it inside and that bottle turned into booze The Jäger took ahold and your body took the abuse But finally found some pride and cried when I got the news I know, been hurting more than I show Inspired by your story, couple things you should know I met this girl at my show, teared up by what I was told She said, "I'm sober 'cause of you, you do way more than you know" And I say And I say, "Ohh, please grant me the serenity To accept everything I cannot change" You, you always told me I had to do anything To have you back, see you one day I, I wonder if you see me when I fall, yeah I wonder if you hear me now at all Maybe if the world played this through speakers I'd be loud enough to reach you, and you'll hear My last letter for you And I don't understand how you would stay so optimistic You started chemo, fought the battle, never quit That really left an imprint And we would talk about our lives and after this How we would live 'em different See, Mom and you would put your differences aside Every day she would visit, see the love and your vision See the hurt in your smile, your wisdom is what I'm missing the most I'll never be ready to let you go I never felt so helpless inside a boat I control You told me how you wanted to travel, next year you'll go And your body had become fragile, not once that you lose your soul We were told, it was progressing and you had less than a week True love is every tear when we told you we had to leave And how we would converse it, not once did we need to speak That one day in late October you passed away in your sleep I been cryin' when I think about it I miss your smile, miss your laugh, and now I live without it I told you music was my passion, and you never doubt it And people tell me they relate, but now I truly doubt it Remember cryin' on your grave and yellin' up to you, "How did I lose my way?" I won't forget that summer was some of my darkest days Was asking for a sign, sat in my tears and prayed When I saw that sign you sent me, that day was forever changed I know, I know, I should've been a better me Oh, blame me when we argue, I said things I didn't mean Me and you are who I wish, you should have always been between So I'm sorry for the lack of communication from me I just wish that you were here, so you could watch me win a Grammy But more importantly to build a family I hope I make you proud and become everything I can be I hope they play it loud and send this letter where I can't reach Sincerely, Mark And I said, "Ohh, please grant me the serenity To accept everything I cannot change" You, you always told me I had to do anything To have you back, see you one day I, I wonder if you see me when I fall, yeah I wonder if you hear me now at all Maybe if the world played this through speakers I'd be loud enough to reach you, and you'll hear My last letter for you