[Verse]
I should be dead, maybe I got nine lives?
Seven left, 'cause I've already died twice
I'm glad it wasn't bye-bye
'Cause it's my time to do it without the high-life
What I'm making is really dope
But I needa talk about some shit that happened a year ago
Hold up, let me clear my throat
Yo, I'm about to get deep but I really hope you feel it, though
See talking 'bout it hurts
Since when I was an addict but I was at my worst
No one knew, I didn't tell one person
Couldn't bring myself to do it 'cause I felt like a burden
Give me any drug, I was chewing 'em up
If I have nine lives then I'm using 'em up
No one knew my addiction, it was stupid as fuck
90 pills daily of Nurofen Plus
I know that's extreme and I should be dead, right
But I was so fucked up my tolerance was that high
That's the thing with a codeine addiction
It's over the counter so you don't need prescriptions
That's three packets in a day
I didn't get high but I would have 'em anyway
'Cause if I didn't take 'em then I'd be hitting withdraws
And guess what? All of this was mid-tour
And I can't play in this form
Having shit thoughts like I got nothing to live for
I was a zombie, I couldn't feel nothin'
I smashed four packets 'cause I just wanted to feel something
Yo, I overdosed for sure
I was at the venue, I was going to perform
I can't remember, see I was told in the report
My tour manager found me convulsing on the floor
Everyone surrounding, no one knowing what it's for
Literally no one knew that I was going through it all
I fucked up, I should be knowing this before
I'm a fucking junkie, how am I going on a tour?
I let down my fans and I owe it to 'em all
That's why I’m being honest and so open with it all
It's so hard no one knowing what is wrong
I can't talk about it so I wrote it in this song
Woke up in hospital going through withdrawals
Someone guarding my bed but nobody would talk
No phone there, nobody to call
Saying "what the fuck is going on?" and no one would inform me
And I’m not knowing whats it's for
Tubes everywhere, if only I could walk
A man approaches, "Am I all right, Doc?"
Then he tells me I'm on suicide watch
I'm a danger to myself, I wouldn't be leaving
I didn't try kill myself but they wouldn't believe me
I spent a month in a hospital bed
Living in a nightmare and I just want it to end
I'm thinking to myself have I got any friends?
Or friends who don’t use, have I got any left?
There's many times where I'd want to be dead
But we've lost too many and I don’t wanna be next
Now I’m happy that I got me some rest
I know for sure now that I don’t want it again
The harder I hit the gym then the stronger I get
The more the devil on my shoulder hasn't got any strength
I let my fans and my family down
The people standing by me are like family now
Yo, I’m sorry to anyone who's a fan of me
I understand if you wanted to abandon me
But if it wasn't for my family
I would've tied the knot on the rope the devil handed me
I gotta show my father and my mum love
And let 'em know that it's not them that fucked up
Now you got a quality son
If I say I’m gonna do it then the job'll get done
I embrace any pain, now I’m not gonna run
The gym's a new addiction, but a positive one
The battle with addiction's a battle on its own
The worst part is that I tried battle it alone
So if you're hearing this and you battling at home
Tell somebody because your family should know
I'm loving life now, I'm getting it back
If I can do this shit fucking anyone can
I can't remember 'cause I blacked out
But I wouldn't change a thing 'cause it made me who I am now
[Outro]
Bless up
I'm back
This time I'm not gonna fuck off
I'm not gonna fuck up
I'm a different person
I'm not just saying that
I'm fucking loving life at the moment and I'm, uh
I'm very grateful 'cause I should be fucking dead
And that's the truth
Thanks to anyone who's supported me lately
It's been insane, all the emails
All the DMs on Instagram, everything
Much love
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