I'm Sorry

[Verse]

I should be dead, maybe I got nine lives?

Seven left, 'cause I've already died twice

I'm glad it wasn't bye-bye

'Cause it's my time to do it without the high-life

What I'm making is really dope

But I needa talk about some shit that happened a year ago

Hold up, let me clear my throat

Yo, I'm about to get deep but I really hope you feel it, though

See talking 'bout it hurts

Since when I was an addict but I was at my worst

No one knew, I didn't tell one person

Couldn't bring myself to do it 'cause I felt like a burden

Give me any drug, I was chewing 'em up

If I have nine lives then I'm using 'em up

No one knew my addiction, it was stupid as fuck

90 pills daily of Nurofen Plus

I know that's extreme and I should be dead, right

But I was so fucked up my tolerance was that high

That's the thing with a codeine addiction

It's over the counter so you don't need prescriptions

That's three packets in a day

I didn't get high but I would have 'em anyway

'Cause if I didn't take 'em then I'd be hitting withdraws

And guess what? All of this was mid-tour

And I can't play in this form

Having shit thoughts like I got nothing to live for

I was a zombie, I couldn't feel nothin'

I smashed four packets 'cause I just wanted to feel something

Yo, I overdosed for sure

I was at the venue, I was going to perform

I can't remember, see I was told in the report

My tour manager found me convulsing on the floor

Everyone surrounding, no one knowing what it's for

Literally no one knew that I was going through it all

I fucked up, I should be knowing this before

I'm a fucking junkie, how am I going on a tour?

I let down my fans and I owe it to 'em all

That's why I’m being honest and so open with it all

It's so hard no one knowing what is wrong

I can't talk about it so I wrote it in this song

Woke up in hospital going through withdrawals

Someone guarding my bed but nobody would talk

No phone there, nobody to call

Saying "what the fuck is going on?" and no one would inform me

And I’m not knowing whats it's for

Tubes everywhere, if only I could walk

A man approaches, "Am I all right, Doc?"

Then he tells me I'm on suicide watch

I'm a danger to myself, I wouldn't be leaving

I didn't try kill myself but they wouldn't believe me

I spent a month in a hospital bed

Living in a nightmare and I just want it to end

I'm thinking to myself have I got any friends?

Or friends who don’t use, have I got any left?

There's many times where I'd want to be dead

But we've lost too many and I don’t wanna be next

Now I’m happy that I got me some rest

I know for sure now that I don’t want it again

The harder I hit the gym then the stronger I get

The more the devil on my shoulder hasn't got any strength

I let my fans and my family down

The people standing by me are like family now

Yo, I’m sorry to anyone who's a fan of me

I understand if you wanted to abandon me

But if it wasn't for my family

I would've tied the knot on the rope the devil handed me

I gotta show my father and my mum love

And let 'em know that it's not them that fucked up

Now you got a quality son

If I say I’m gonna do it then the job'll get done

I embrace any pain, now I’m not gonna run

The gym's a new addiction, but a positive one

The battle with addiction's a battle on its own

The worst part is that I tried battle it alone

So if you're hearing this and you battling at home

Tell somebody because your family should know

I'm loving life now, I'm getting it back

If I can do this shit fucking anyone can

I can't remember 'cause I blacked out

But I wouldn't change a thing 'cause it made me who I am now

[Outro]

Bless up

I'm back

This time I'm not gonna fuck off

I'm not gonna fuck up

I'm a different person

I'm not just saying that

I'm fucking loving life at the moment and I'm, uh

I'm very grateful 'cause I should be fucking dead

And that's the truth

Thanks to anyone who's supported me lately

It's been insane, all the emails

All the DMs on Instagram, everything

Much love