I'm Sorry

[Verse] I should be dead, maybe I got nine lives? Seven left, 'cause I've already died twice I'm glad it wasn't bye-bye 'Cause it's my time to do it without the high-life What I'm making is really dope But I needa talk about some shit that happened a year ago Hold up, let me clear my throat Yo, I'm about to get deep but I really hope you feel it, though See talking 'bout it hurts Since when I was an addict but I was at my worst No one knew, I didn't tell one person Couldn't bring myself to do it 'cause I felt like a burden Give me any drug, I was chewing 'em up If I have nine lives then I'm using 'em up No one knew my addiction, it was stupid as fuck 90 pills daily of Nurofen Plus I know that's extreme and I should be dead, right But I was so fucked up my tolerance was that high That's the thing with a codeine addiction It's over the counter so you don't need prescriptions That's three packets in a day I didn't get high but I would have 'em anyway 'Cause if I didn't take 'em then I'd be hitting withdraws And guess what? All of this was mid-tour And I can't play in this form Having shit thoughts like I got nothing to live for I was a zombie, I couldn't feel nothin' I smashed four packets 'cause I just wanted to feel something Yo, I overdosed for sure I was at the venue, I was going to perform I can't remember, see I was told in the report My tour manager found me convulsing on the floor Everyone surrounding, no one knowing what it's for Literally no one knew that I was going through it all I fucked up, I should be knowing this before I'm a fucking junkie, how am I going on a tour? I let down my fans and I owe it to 'em all That's why I’m being honest and so open with it all It's so hard no one knowing what is wrong I can't talk about it so I wrote it in this song Woke up in hospital going through withdrawals Someone guarding my bed but nobody would talk No phone there, nobody to call Saying "what the fuck is going on?" and no one would inform me And I’m not knowing whats it's for Tubes everywhere, if only I could walk A man approaches, "Am I all right, Doc?" Then he tells me I'm on suicide watch I'm a danger to myself, I wouldn't be leaving I didn't try kill myself but they wouldn't believe me I spent a month in a hospital bed Living in a nightmare and I just want it to end I'm thinking to myself have I got any friends? Or friends who don’t use, have I got any left? There's many times where I'd want to be dead But we've lost too many and I don’t wanna be next Now I’m happy that I got me some rest I know for sure now that I don’t want it again The harder I hit the gym then the stronger I get The more the devil on my shoulder hasn't got any strength I let my fans and my family down The people standing by me are like family now Yo, I’m sorry to anyone who's a fan of me I understand if you wanted to abandon me But if it wasn't for my family I would've tied the knot on the rope the devil handed me I gotta show my father and my mum love And let 'em know that it's not them that fucked up Now you got a quality son If I say I’m gonna do it then the job'll get done I embrace any pain, now I’m not gonna run The gym's a new addiction, but a positive one The battle with addiction's a battle on its own The worst part is that I tried battle it alone So if you're hearing this and you battling at home Tell somebody because your family should know I'm loving life now, I'm getting it back If I can do this shit fucking anyone can I can't remember 'cause I blacked out But I wouldn't change a thing 'cause it made me who I am now [Outro] Bless up I'm back This time I'm not gonna fuck off I'm not gonna fuck up I'm a different person I'm not just saying that I'm fucking loving life at the moment and I'm, uh I'm very grateful 'cause I should be fucking dead And that's the truth Thanks to anyone who's supported me lately It's been insane, all the emails All the DMs on Instagram, everything Much love