Pretend You Love Me

I was just a kid but I learned much too fast
Found the internet way too young a scar that would last
And you know that I hate thinking someone else did this to me
But I had all the resources because of your enabling
And sometimes I wonder if I didn't hurt so bad
Would I have been more lovable to my mom and my dad
And if I went back in time to see six year old me
Id say this shit does not get better this is who you're meant to be and

I am a monster so you say
I do this on purpose anyway
I need to feel this pain so I can
I try to crawl away when you say my name
Hold me down and scream at me
You say this is where I deserve to be
So keep pretending that you love me
I'll believe you although you never show it to me

"Wow you're such a quiet kid" they all would say to me
Don't call me an old soul when I'm just unhappy
You treated me like an adult when I was still so young
You ask what you did wrong but you fucking knew it all along
I know that I was difficult or I knew that's how you felt
I was told that I was selfish when I needed fucking help
I remember when I lied to you I ran away and hid

You didn't have to hurt me I was just a little kid
I was just a little kid
And now I'm still a little kid and
I am a monster so you say
I do this on purpose anyway
I need to feel this pain so I can
I try to crawl away when you say my name
Hold me down and scream at me
You say this is where I deserve to be
So keep pretending that you love me

And I'll believe you I'll believe you
I am a monster so you say
I do this on purpose anyway
I need to feel this pain so I can
I try to crawl away when you say my name
Hold me down and scream at me
You say this is where I deserve to be
So keep pretending that you love me

And I'll believe you but you never show it to me