Zatyricon

Hello, can I help you?

Yeah, do you do fat grafting?

Yes

Oh great. I had a tail put on by Dr. Gordon

OK

And I want to have some fat grafted onto it. I want to thick it up

You have some fat where?

Well, I have a tail attached to my spine and I want to thicken it up. I want it to be bigger

Oh

Would that be the botox injection? Or would that be the fat grafting?

OK, hold on a second. I don't think you have the right person

OK, no problem

Thanks for holding. May I help you?

Hi, yeah. I had a tail put on about 4 years ago, attached to my spine and I've got some hair growing on it that I need to get...

Well, come and get rid of it!

That's why I'm calling you! Can I come in tonight?

Actually, you can come in for a consultation. Let me tell you how we work here

OK, please

Sure. First of all, one session is not going to get rid of your hair. That's because hair grows in three phases. All human bodies need at least three sessions of laser treatment. And I say "at least" because if you're talking about let's say your beard, you may need up to eight

Well, this is my tail

Right, so then you obviously will need less. But I just want to educate you about, you know, different body parts

Right

So depending on the amount of hair you have, it will tell you how many sessions you will need

But here is the best part of how we work

What's that?

We offer you different types of enrollment. So if, let's say, we quote you a price... let's say, fifty dollars. You can pay as you go, every time you come in, fifty dollars. Or if you pay for three sessions up front, we will give you two complementary sessions. And that's our way of guaranteeing that your hair won't come back. Because we definitely don't want to see you five times for the same area. We try to give you the type of treatment that's gonna be effective. So if we do see you, hopefully it will be for a different body part

[phone is ringing.]

Do you need to get the other line?

Umm, no, let's let it go. I'm fascinated by what you're saying. [snort]

OK, so this is what we do here. You come in, you watch a five-minute video, because we like our patients to be astute about what they're getting into. We do guarantee the lowest price, that the machine we use is the latest technology in the market today for hair removal. And we basically take a deposit from you because without the deposit we cannot book the time of the machine for your use

OK

And that's how we work

That sounds great. I see here upper lip is 29 dollars, underarm is $39, bikini line $49, arm $119

Yep

How much for a tail?

Umm, it really depends. It really depends. It really...

It's about four feet long

Four feet?

Yeah

OK. You're talking about your head, right? Your head tail?

No. I have a tail attached to my spine

A tail attached to your spine? On the lower spine?

Yeah

And that was because of a surgery?

Yeah

I see. And uh, ok, when you say four feet. . .four feet is the length of your hair?

No, it's the length of my tail

Wow. That's a long tail

And you guys just do laser hair removal?

No, actually we do microderm abrasion. We do lazer resurfacing. We do body contouring with endymology

Do you do botox injections?

I'm a semi-amateur bodybuilder and weightlifter

Then you should do your whole chest, your back, your legs!

Well, I want my face just to look like, you know, like, like care, you know

I know what you mean

Let me tell you how it works. They take a virus, they beat it up with a hammer, literally. OK, they make you weak, then they inject that weak virus into your muscle. Botulism virus causes paralysis, ok? So it basically temporarily paralyzes a muscle. Usually facial muscles, whatever

Right

Well, here's what happens. The body's normal reaction to a traditional virus is antibody release. OK, so now antibodies are going to come up to fight this virus

You know what? I don't have time for this. I'm not wasting time here

OK, I'm a semi-amateur weightlifter and I've got a competition coming out. And I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do. I look like an idiot. She injected the botox into my face and it completely killed my face