Uncle Walter

Come on!

Your Uncle Walter's going on and on
'Bout everything he's seen and done
The voice of 50 years experience
He's drunk, watching the television
You know, he's been around the world
Last night he flew to Baghdad in his magical armchair
With cigarettes and a six pack, yeah, he just got back
Now the spit's flying everywhere

Hey, hey, hey, hey
Your Uncle Walter's going on and on
Oh, you're back so late
Where did you go that you were gone so long?
How could you leave me here so long with Uncle Walter?
Yeah

Your Uncle Walter saw who fired the shots
He drove his chair in the cavalcade
He's flown from South Africa to countries where
They beat themselves on the backs with chains
Was a fleet of battleships and one reclining chair
Headed north on the Arabian sea
Now he's back to tell us what he and his oldest boy Blair
They're getting rich with their mail order scheme

Your Uncle Walter's going on and on
We're so glad you're home
Where did you go that you were gone so long?
How could you leave me here so long with Uncle Walter?

Your Uncle Walter told me everything he'd do if he was president
No, what a perfect world this world would be if he was president now
But he's not!

And he sees the children smoking pot
He knows that, in a moment, they'll be shooting up heroin
Teardrops in his armchair
A 50 minute lecture, tobacco juice rolling down his chin

Hey, hey, hey, hey
Your Uncle Walter's going on and on
You're back so late
Where did you go that you were gone so long?
How could you leave me here so long with Uncle Walter?

Come on!