Talkin' John Birch Blues (Limited Release Only)

Well, I was feeling sad and feeling’ blue

I didn’t know what in the world I wus gonna do

Them Communists they wus coming around

They wus in the air

They wus on the ground

They wouldn’t give me no peace

[Verse 2]

So I run down most hurriedly

And joined up with the John Birch Society

I got me a secret membership card

And started off a-walking down the road

Yee-hoo, I’m a real John Bircher now!

Look out you Commies!

[Verse 3]

Now we all agree with Hitler’s views

Although he killed six million Jews

It don’t matter too much that he was a Fascist

At least you can’t say he was a Communist!

That’s to say like if you got a cold you take a shot of malaria

[Verse 4]

Well, I woos looking everywhere for them gol-darned Reds

I got up in the morning and looked under my bed

Looked in the sink, behind the door

Looked in the glove compartment of my car

Couldn’t find them

[Verse 5]

I woos looking high and low for them Reds everywhere

I woos looking in the sink and underneath the chair

I looked way up my chimney hole

I even looked deep down inside my toilet bowl

They got away

[Verse 6]

Well, I woos sitting home alone and started to sweat

Figured they woos in my T.V. set

Peeked behind the picture frame

Got a shock from my feet, hitting right up in the brain

Them Reds caused it!

I know they did them hard-core ones

[Verse 7]

Well, I quit my job so I could work all alone

Then I changed my name to Sherlock Holmes

Followed some clues from my detective bag

And discovered they woos red stripes on the American flag!

That old Betsy Ross

[Verse 8]

Well, I investigated all the books in the library

Ninety percent of them gotta be burned away

I investigated all the people that I know

Ninety-eight percent of them gotta go

The other two percent are fellow Birchers just like me

[Verse 9]

Now Eisenhower, he’s a Russian spy

Lincoln, Jefferson and that Roosevelt guy

To my knowledge there’s just one man

That’s really a true American: George Lincoln Rockwell

I know for a fact he hates Commies because he picketed the movie Exodus

[Verse 10]

Well, I finally started thinking straight

When I run out of things to investigate

Couldn’t imagine doing anything else

So now I’m sitting home investigating myself!

Hope I don’t find out anything hmm, great God!