Sell It And They Will Come

I fell asleep on the couch last night, woke up with the TV on

There was a woman in tight cotton exercise shorts

And a big plastic machine she was climbing on

She said "The Abacycle guarantees ten inches off your waist

And 50 pounds in just 3 minutes a day."

I went to bed knowing the revolution had been postponed

And everything was OK

You can buy it, you can try it, go right ahead

But don't be fooled folks, there's only one

I forget the guy's name but I know somebody must have said

Sell it and they will come boys, sell it and they will come

I switched the channels and there was Evel Knievel, I thought that he was

Dead

I found myself sitting there quietly, hanging on every word he said

"Now folks, the Stimulator removes all pain from your life

And the best day of your life will be when you try this little thing out."

The camera moved in as he said, "Now let me tell you ladies and gentlemen

Pain is something old Evel knows a little about"

You can buy it, you can try it, that's what I said

But don't be fooled folks, there's only one

I forget that guy's name but I know somebody must have said

Sell it and they will come boys, sell it and they will come

And a fellow comes on shouting "Free haircuts for life!"

Somehow you cut your hair with a vacuum cleaner

And then I switched the channels and there was Dionne Warwick, communing

With her psychic friends

I watched for hours, taking warmth, comfort

And pleasure in the things that I despise

Touched by how much they needed me, and that gleeful desperation in their

Eyes

You can buy it, you can try it, it'll help you in bed

But don't be fooled folks, there's only one

I forget that guy's name but I know somebody said

Sell it and they will come boys, sell it and they will come

So Dionne, Cher, and all my late-night friends, I drink to your health

And Tony Little, America's personal trainer, please kill yourself

Now I've sold a few things myself in my time, and by the way folks

There's some t-shirts on your way outside

Well last night I dreamed of lipstick and tight little cotton shorts

"Harder, faster", she breathed

"One, two, three, four, five"

Ride, Sally ride, girl, ride Sally ride

You can buy it, you can try it, it'll help you in bed

But don't be fooled folks, there's only one

I forget that guy's name but somebody said

Sell it and they will come boys, sell it and they will come