Monica Interview

* All snippets of Monica's +responses+ are Lil' Kim record samples

[Chris Rock]

Thanks for the interview Monica

Now Monica, everyone seems to think they know ALL there is to know

About Monica Lewinsky -- but Monica, could you tell us one thing

That people would be surprised to know about you?

"I used to be scared of the dick; now I throw lips to the shit

Handle it, like a real bitch.."

[Chris Rock]

Very interesting! Now Monica, there seems to be a lot of demands

On your time. Could you tell us what a quiet evening with

Monica Lewinsky would be like?

"Got buffoons eatin my pussy while I watch cartoons.."

[Chris Rock]

Hmm, sounds like fun!

Now Monica, who were your role models?

"Zsa Zsa Gabor, Demi Moore, Prince Diane and all them rich bitches.."

[Chris Rock]

Now in the transcript, you refer to the President as Butthead

Did the President have any nicknames for you?

"Poon-poon nanny-nanny, punanni danni.."

[Chris Rock]

Ahh, cute!

Now Monica, you and the President had a lot of phone sex

What was the one thing that you would say to the President

That would make him acheive orgasm?

"Before you nut, I'mma dribble down your buttcheek

Make you wiggle, then giggle just a little.."

[Chris Rock]

Now Vernon Jordan helped you get a job

What's the first thing you said when you met Vernon Jordan?

"It's on nigga what? Pussy greased up

Stack the G's up, keeps the knees up.."

[Chris Rock]

So are you saying you had an affair with Vernon Jordan too?

"I made my intro, gettin fucked in the Pinto.."

[Chris Rock]

Monica you appear to be having sex with everybody

How do the interns treat you?

"They be suckin blackberry molasses out my asses.."

[Chris Rock]

Now now that we're on it, how come you never had sex with Al Gore?

"I got no patience for little dick tastin.."

[Chris Rock]

What about Ken Starr?

"He be lookin fruity, but you still can eat the booty.."

[Chris Rock]

Now Monica, do you have any regrets about your relationship

With the President?

"Somethin I wanted, but I never was pushy

The motherfucker never ate my pussy.."

[Chris Rock]

Hey, here's the President right now, Bill Clinton!

Now Mr. President, before we go

Is there anything you'd like to say to Monica Lewinsky?

* Eazy-E sample *

"Bitch shut the fuck up!

Get the fuck out of here!"