Panic Attack

Look, I bet them boys think I'm panicking
Itching to see how I handle it
When snakes start rattling, calm
I can show you about harm
Put blades in the palms, half the length of my arm
I end up in a station and I'm staring into space like a mannequin in Clarks
I ain't panicking, I ain't had a random change of heart
Cash points and cannabis
You cocaine snort, if you think I got caught
I'm kicking like a stallion
I lived in a yard where my mummy tried hard
For all the things that I wanted but my money was inadequate
Probably be killed by my cousins back in Africa
If they knew I risked my free water, hot food and resources
Every day to dress nicer on a camera
I don't need your input, fuck you and your manager
Fuck him and his lame job
It's been two years, you're sitting in the same spot
Chilling in the same blocks
Me and you are different
You talk about beef
While I plan your route home bruv
I run up in your safe spot and leave the place taped off
It's deeper than the name drop
Real problems don't need discussions
I fear God and not repercussions
Look, I'm only angry at the choices that I didn't make
I don't regret what I did but what I didn't say
And for this money I'm on a different wave
It's why I ain't written in this will when I say I'm on his estate
It comes arms well I've got an entourage like Vinny Chase
This ain't Chiraq, we don't need a .38
Just two young G's, one Nike pouch and his little blade
And if you live that day, give thanks to your God
'Cause there isn't one prayer mummy didn't say
Still wonder what my dad would say
And it's fucked 'cause I just wanted us to bond like Sean Connery and Daniel Craig
No first steps, nah, my daddy couldn't see me cry
I'm still searching for the reason why
I was six months old at a bus stop
My mum no home struggling to Ketamine like a legal high
When so volatile, look over the reasons why
People die, man this beef never sleeps or slides
Man are dying over minor violations
So I keep the beef and the bread separate like TGI's
They touch us and we pay 'em back like it's PPI
Fuck it, let's ride, get animated like CGI
Dead being a hype man
Can't find my man and then I'll settle for his right hand
You can't buy heart remember
Hawk eye, you think these undercover cars could get us
Or that I can't spot the bacon in the passing Vectras
Don't you find it funny that I study law
And still recruit young fraud stars like I'm Harvey Specter
Hot headed, I swear that I had a dream though
A young fire before I had spoken with Avelino
And nowadays music's got my schedule looking hectic
I ain't got a timeline, I'm Travolta with Tarantino
Look, I ain't slacking, it's money over passion
I mean passion over money, hate this money with a passion
Money is just a paper
I got value of my assets, I got value of my mental
It's me, Fraser or 169 on an instrumental
I swear that'll make it rapping
Even if that kills me I swear that'll make it happen
On my digital piano until my hands bled literally
I was smashing keys 'til my fingers grew callus
How could I fear rappers?
I feel words, hear colours, defeat challenge
Give thanks to my synaesthesia
I ain't a rapper I'm a fucking genius
So when I see you don't panic
Remember what you said on the roads, there's no lacking
I don't wanna see you draw for your boot, there's no time
I'll jump out the passenger side like there's no traffic
Catch you with your girl or your mum, you'd do the same
So we'll take you to an inch of your life for all your chatting
Shut your fucking mouth and make p's
I used to let disrespect slide to make peace
Now it's like I'm stuck in two minds in my reaction
'Cause my pride and my ego turned giant like James Dean
I'm a mess right, and if that catty doesn't fuck me the third time
With no strings attached like a test drive
I'm telling her I'm cutting in the next 5
All communication breaking down like an enzyme
My second's the most precious commodity I invest time
I was late every day straight for three years
Guess that's two ways that I could never make a deadline
I was out in Powerleague Norbury in my North Face camo
In the rain, hail, sleet, with my football in a deadline
Scraping by on pennies, trying to link a jezzy
On my 8520 and I couldn't link one
Squares was a game
Had me all stressed
Got finessed by my main
And he didn't get touched
Had me sitting there pissed
Thinking 'bout my people
All the times that we missed
Like have you ever lost love?
Have you ever had a guy that would die so you live in a cage
Kept away from your brother and your mum
In my world you're unsure to the people you can trust
And when you lose the only person that was there from the jump
I'm as humble as they come
And I ain't changed from the knife and the cypher to the shotgun shells in the party with a pump
Ask Edem, ask Paddy
With squares I had strikers but I'm more like Ibra
Over Vardy when it's beef
Because I hardly ever run I've got pride
I've seen man running for their life
Get caught, now they're covering their heart and their lungs with their arms on his ones
'Cause his right hand panicked
And I don't even blame him
Seen a man scream while he bleeds on the pavement
Guts in his hands, civilians with tissue putting pressure where the pain is
The panic as you fade in, blocking out sounds
Like your body shuts down when your organs start failing
Knife crime dangerous, next day famous
Give it six years they won't remember what your name is
Everything changes when your case is irrelevant
And all the guys who claim they would ride in your name looking lost
them boys don't have half the heart to settle it
I've seen a whole class end up dead or in jail
Ask Scales about times he was chilling with my brother in a chicken shop
opposite the entrance to Tenison's
Everybody's dying, but nobody is rising up a Remington
We've got shanks, and false hope everybody's selling it
You ain't getting rich quick trying to sell big bits
Too lazy to work so you want to own a business
Or a clothing line, no vision
You can't cut corners in a line of life
Karma's like the tightest vice
I'm running on my own
CCTV's in your hands bro, they've got it in your phone
If they catch me going home
Looking for another young rapper to expose
I'm probably cutting from the scene
'Cause with all the evidence they gain I'm getting more than just assault
I ain't living for the 'gram, man are snitching on the cam
If I hit him then I'm dumb, but if he dips me he's the man
I can't win, there's no way I'm handling that
If I run then I'm a neek, but if I don't then I'm a fool
So on road I'm looking happy but I'm screaming in my head having panic attacks
They got me anxious
And two wrong responses from a shanking at any given time
I been there and done that on many different nights
It's probably the reason that I got many different rhymes
I'm really living life